Quotes & Jokes by Dov Davidoff / page 11

Perhaps being hated in the right way is preferable to being loved in the wrong one.

It's a wonder you don't see the zebra being trotted out as a metaphor for racial harmony more often.

A high percentage of vegan men look like lesbians.

At the gym; I've given up trying to get in really good shape, and re-committed myself to not getting any worse.

Perhaps depression is a perfectly natural reaction to the human condition.

Nature's beauty never fails to fill me with a sense of wonder and awe, and still, I refuse to go camping.

My bedroom is so messy, if I died of natural causes, the cops would be like "no he didn't, clearly there was a struggle".

I'm no quitter, unless it comes to human relationships or math and science.

"Can you spare some change?" is never a good pick up line.

The rift between culture and pop-culture has never been greater.

Everyone I know with a kid says, "you gotta try it"... It's not a joint. I can't just put it out in an ash tray when I'm done.

My friend said, 'Try lamb skin. They're really thin. Lamb skin condoms, they're good.' And they are. What he didn't tell me was that right when you begin to conduct business, the whole room smells like a gyro. We were doing our thing. She said, 'What's that?' I said, 'I don't know, but I'm getting hungry.'

Next time I spank a girl during sex, I'll say, "this is going to hurt me more than it will you".

Sorry sweety, you're not going to make the cut. You're just not unhealthy enough for me.

Throwing up is natures way of saying you need to re-examine your idea of a "good time".