Quotes & Jokes by Dov Davidoff / page 11

To understand one's self is to understand all of humanity, unless you're like my friend Mike, he's a fuckin' idiot.

Trannies dress up like women, then try to bang straight guys. They're the adrenaline junkies of gayness.

Fake titties are inversely proportioned to their owners level of self esteem. This being said, part of me loves them.

Most people that commit to a life of celibacy weren't leaving that much on the table in the first place.

Is it cynical to assume that anyone smiling is a liar and a criminal?

How come the term 'threesome' is always used in a sexual context? What, nobody plays string instruments any more?

I don't know if it's the economy, but finding work as a spiritual guru is really hard. Maybe I should grow my hair out.

Suicide is a terrible idea, but if you're going to end it, do so at a Pinkberry near you.

I'm no quitter, unless it comes to human relationships or math and science.

Why hasn't anyone opened a night club named 'No Drugs Allowed, Wink, Wink'?

Everyone I know with a kid says, "you gotta try it"... It's not a joint. I can't just put it out in an ash tray when I'm done.

My friend said, 'Try lamb skin. They're really thin. Lamb skin condoms, they're good.' And they are. What he didn't tell me was that right when you begin to conduct business, the whole room smells like a gyro. We were doing our thing. She said, 'What's that?' I said, 'I don't know, but I'm getting hungry.'

The rift between culture and pop-culture has never been greater.

Next time I spank a girl during sex, I'll say, "this is going to hurt me more than it will you".

Few things interest me more than the things people don't say.