Quotes & Jokes by Dov Davidoff / page 11

307 quotes

Using profanity is an indicator that you lack class, or feel strongly about being something, and want to get your fuckin' point across.

I'm no quitter, unless it comes to human relationships or math and science.

"Can you spare some change?" is never a good pick up line.

A high percentage of vegan men look like lesbians.

It's a wonder you don't see the zebra being trotted out as a metaphor for racial harmony more often.

Next time I spank a girl during sex, I'll say, "this is going to hurt me more than it will you".

Sorry sweety, you're not going to make the cut. You're just not unhealthy enough for me.

Nature's beauty never fails to fill me with a sense of wonder and awe, and still, I refuse to go camping.

At the gym; I've given up trying to get in really good shape, and re-committed myself to not getting any worse.

The rift between culture and pop-culture has never been greater.

Perhaps depression is a perfectly natural reaction to the human condition.

My bedroom is so messy, if I died of natural causes, the cops would be like "no he didn't, clearly there was a struggle".

Love is nature's LSD. You're going to see things that aren't really there.

Throwing up is natures way of saying you need to re-examine your idea of a "good time".

Misery loves company which is ironic because it rarely throws dinner parties.