Quotes & Jokes by Dov Davidoff / page 12

I'm no quitter, unless it comes to human relationships or math and science.

If I were a bad black comic I would name my special, "Yo mama, and other stories of a lack of self awareness".

The human spirit is indomitable, unless your talking specifically about the people I know.

My friend said, 'Try lamb skin. They're really thin. Lamb skin condoms, they're good.' And they are. What he didn't tell me was that right when you begin to conduct business, the whole room smells like a gyro. We were doing our thing. She said, 'What's that?' I said, 'I don't know, but I'm getting hungry.'

The rift between culture and pop-culture has never been greater.

Most people that commit to a life of celibacy weren't leaving that much on the table in the first place.

Everyone I know with a kid says, "you gotta try it"... It's not a joint. I can't just put it out in an ash tray when I'm done.

Finding your voice is something you have to keep working at. Your voice as a comic evolves the same way that you evolve. You have to find out what works for you. How can you express your opinion, your take on the situations in a way that feels natural to you? That’s where you find your voice.

Space and time are figments of you're imagination, unless the guy you're flying next to won't shut up.

Self hatred is a bitch. That being said, people who really like themselves rarely produce anything interesting or creative.

Next time I spank a girl during sex, I'll say, "this is going to hurt me more than it will you".

If you hug someone goodbye and their response is "what the hell are you doing?" - you may want to examine you're definition of close friend.

Few things interest me more than the things people don't say.

At the gym; I've given up trying to get in really good shape, and re-committed myself to not getting any worse.

Ending a sentence with "yo", is like saying, "I don't want a job. Not today. Not ever." Know what I mean yo?