Quotes & Jokes by Dov Davidoff / page 12

Sorry sweety, you're not going to make the cut. You're just not unhealthy enough for me.

Suicide is a terrible idea, but if you're going to end it, do so at a Pinkberry near you.

The rift between culture and pop-culture has never been greater.

A high percentage of vegan men look like lesbians.

I wish that every other guy were gay. Think about the leverage that would create in your relationship.

Suicide is like the ejector button in the cockpit of an F-15. If life goes into a permanent tail spin, it's nice to know the option is there.

Finding your voice is something you have to keep working at. Your voice as a comic evolves the same way that you evolve. You have to find out what works for you. How can you express your opinion, your take on the situations in a way that feels natural to you? That’s where you find your voice.

It's a wonder you don't see the zebra being trotted out as a metaphor for racial harmony more often.

Break ups are painful, but if initiated at the right time can fuel one's sense of optimism.

"Can you spare some change?" is never a good pick up line.

Seems the first person to call someone a whore is usually another whore.

Is there anything more attractive than a woman in high heels and low self esteem?

If you carry a paperback book in your back pocket, but spend more time on your hair than you do reading it, you're probably a bad actor.

Space and time are figments of you're imagination, unless the guy you're flying next to won't shut up.

Throwing up is natures way of saying you need to re-examine your idea of a "good time".