Quotes & Jokes by Dov Davidoff / page 12
Suicide is a terrible idea, but if you're going to end it, do so at a Pinkberry near you.
My friend said, 'Try lamb skin. They're really thin. Lamb skin condoms, they're good.' And they are. What he didn't tell me was that right when you begin to conduct business, the whole room smells like a gyro. We were doing our thing. She said, 'What's that?' I said, 'I don't know, but I'm getting hungry.'
Everyone I know with a kid says, "you gotta try it"... It's not a joint. I can't just put it out in an ash tray when I'm done.
How come the term 'threesome' is always used in a sexual context? What, nobody plays string instruments any more?
Throwing up is natures way of saying you need to re-examine your idea of a "good time".
I wish that every other guy were gay. Think about the leverage that would create in your relationship.
If you carry a paperback book in your back pocket, but spend more time on your hair than you do reading it, you're probably a bad actor.
Is there anything more attractive than a woman in high heels and low self esteem?
If you hug someone goodbye and their response is "what the hell are you doing?" - you may want to examine you're definition of close friend.
I saw the family recently. Everybody's angry at me because, apparently, I outed my cousin during an argument over a turkey leg. He goes, 'You had the last leg.' I was like, 'Shut up, Billy. You're gay.'
Women often use large fake breasts like a gun, pointing the weapon at you in an attempt to garner the attention their father never gave them.