Quotes & Jokes by Dov Davidoff / page 13
Misery loves company which is ironic because it rarely throws dinner parties.
Love is nature's LSD. You're going to see things that aren't really there.
Hanging out with women on a platonic level is like spending time with someone from Europe. It's not better or worse, but it is different.
Finding your voice is something you have to keep working at. Your voice as a comic evolves the same way that you evolve. You have to find out what works for you. How can you express your opinion, your take on the situations in a way that feels natural to you? That’s where you find your voice.
Stop thanking god for your parking spot. He had nothing to do with it, and if he did, I want nothing to do with him.
Ending a sentence with "yo", is like saying, "I don't want a job. Not today. Not ever." Know what I mean yo?
I'd find myself more interesting if I weren't with me all the time.
Looking into blood doping. I think it will allow me to write jokes with greater intensity, and for a longer period of time.
I find anger so comforting. It's like a blanket made of unresolved issues, but it's a blanket none the less.
Sex sells, but doesn't work so well as a strong-arm tactic. "Give me your purse or I'll make out with you so hard".
Break ups are painful, but if initiated at the right time can fuel one's sense of optimism.
Love is a crocodile just above the water line waiting to attack the innocent herbivore of my freedom.
The only time used underwear is valuable is as evidence during a rape trial.
If I were a bad black comic I would name my special, "Yo mama, and other stories of a lack of self awareness".