Quotes & Jokes by Dov Davidoff / page 14
Writing a new film about cereal killers. Not serial killers, cereal killers. The main character can eat two, three boxes at a time.
Assassinating someone is another way of saying "I care", just not in the way they'd want you to.
We're born alone and we die alone. So in between, let's spend time with people that make us feel good... or at least put-out.
Most public bathrooms now have automatic toilet sensors. People can't even be trusted to flush.
I've always wanted children... not of my own, but for yard work and reaching into tight places to get things I've dropped.
You're pregnant? Congratulations, the world needs another mindless, semiliterate consumer.
Parenthood seems really rewarding... like martyrdom, but without the glamour.
Water polo would be much more interesting if they hadn't gotten rid of the horses.
My job as a comedian is to heighten awareness about locally grown produce, fight factory farming, and promote euthanasia, but in a funny way.
Self hatred is a bitch. That being said, people who really like themselves rarely produce anything interesting or creative.
One day I'd like to beat you at your own game, but your game is badmitton so that will probably never happen.
Pine nuts pound for pound are more expensive than most varieties of smoked salmon. There I said it.
I would imagine that not having any potential could be less difficult than not fulfilling it.
Flying first class means sitting next to a better class of person I don't want to talk to.