Quotes & Jokes by Dov Davidoff / page 14
Love is a crocodile just above the water line waiting to attack the innocent herbivore of my freedom.
Pine nuts pound for pound are more expensive than most varieties of smoked salmon. There I said it.
You're pregnant? Congratulations, the world needs another mindless, semiliterate consumer.
Is it a bad sign when the thought of your x-girlfriend makes you say things like, "Satan is a myth... I guess".
Vegas; one of the few places still encouraging men in their fifties to dress like their in a boy-band from the 80's.
Fountains are more romantic when you don't hate the person you're with.
The only time used underwear is valuable is as evidence during a rape trial.
Assassinating someone is another way of saying "I care", just not in the way they'd want you to.
We're born alone and we die alone. So in between, let's spend time with people that make us feel good... or at least put-out.
I find anger so comforting. It's like a blanket made of unresolved issues, but it's a blanket none the less.
Most public bathrooms now have automatic toilet sensors. People can't even be trusted to flush.
I've always wanted children... not of my own, but for yard work and reaching into tight places to get things I've dropped.
Looking into blood doping. I think it will allow me to write jokes with greater intensity, and for a longer period of time.