Quotes & Jokes by Dov Davidoff / page 14
Just once I want to hear a motivational speaker whisper in my ear, "ya know, this is all bullshit right?"
Stop thanking god for your parking spot. He had nothing to do with it, and if he did, I want nothing to do with him.
Break ups are painful, but if initiated at the right time can fuel one's sense of optimism.
Pine nuts pound for pound are more expensive than most varieties of smoked salmon. There I said it.
Misery loves company which is ironic because it rarely throws dinner parties.
I like the way you don't like me, but still let me have sex with you because you don't like yourself.
Assassinating someone is another way of saying "I care", just not in the way they'd want you to.
Fountains are more romantic when you don't hate the person you're with.
Most public bathrooms now have automatic toilet sensors. People can't even be trusted to flush.
Great marriages are like the Higgs Boson particle, its existence has been theorized, but no one has ever seen one.
Vegas; one of the few places still encouraging men in their fifties to dress like their in a boy-band from the 80's.
I really appreciate the way you don't appreciate me, said my subconscious as I agreed to go out with her yet again.
I find anger so comforting. It's like a blanket made of unresolved issues, but it's a blanket none the less.