Quotes & Jokes by Dov Davidoff / page 15
Seems the first person to call someone a whore is usually another whore.
Horoscopes, like bad sitcoms, are created for people that I don't relate to.
You realize what level of misery you have to be experiencing to see my 10-speed tied to a pole and then just be like, 'Look at this rich bastard right here!'
[In the Pharmacy] The guy turns to me -- I was in the aisle -- and he goes, 'Hey, you think I should go for the two-ply or the regular?' I was like, 'Man, if you're even thinking two-ply, maybe you shouldn't fuck her.'
The human spirit is indomitable, unless your talking specifically about the people I know.
I like to be able to connect with people. And that’s how I connect, right away. I like to really talk to somebody. To me, it makes my night more interesting.
I really appreciate the way you don't appreciate me, said my subconscious as I agreed to go out with her yet again.
I'm pretty sure whoever said, "people are wonderful" spent very little time with people.
Another thing rappers, I admire your rebellious spirit, but materialism is a form of mental slavery. Slow down on the jewelry, pick up a book.
The best thing about bugs is their lack of self consciousness, also the ability to fly doesn't hurt.
Fountains are more romantic when you don't hate the person you're with.
Just once I want to hear a motivational speaker whisper in my ear, "ya know, this is all bullshit right?"
You know you've been listening to too much hip hop when you're response to a red light is "can't stop, won't stop son!".