Quotes & Jokes by Dov Davidoff / page 15
Just once I want to hear a motivational speaker whisper in my ear, "ya know, this is all bullshit right?"
I really appreciate the way you don't appreciate me, said my subconscious as I agreed to go out with her yet again.
I like the way you don't like me, but still let me have sex with you because you don't like yourself.
I like to be able to connect with people. And that’s how I connect, right away. I like to really talk to somebody. To me, it makes my night more interesting.
One day I'd like to beat you at your own game, but your game is badmitton so that will probably never happen.
Parenthood seems really rewarding... like martyrdom, but without the glamour.
I'm pretty sure whoever said, "people are wonderful" spent very little time with people.
Flying first class means sitting next to a better class of person I don't want to talk to.
I don't trust you. I don't like you, and I don't respect you. That being said, I'm bored out of my mind and I'd like to invite you to dinner.
Writing a new film about cereal killers. Not serial killers, cereal killers. The main character can eat two, three boxes at a time.
Sex sells, but doesn't work so well as a strong-arm tactic. "Give me your purse or I'll make out with you so hard".
Gotta get rid of these free radicals, but first I need to figure out what they are.
You know you've been listening to too much hip hop when you're response to a red light is "can't stop, won't stop son!".
Horoscopes, like bad sitcoms, are created for people that I don't relate to.