Quotes & Jokes by Dov Davidoff / page 16
I don't know about you, but I like to fall in love on Mondays. This way if things go south right away you still have the weekend.
I just don't feel like you're right for me... sorry, just talking to myself.
I wish I could be attracted to unattractive women. They're just more interesting.
If I do marry, I'll expect a pretty serious dowry. I'm talking goats, pigs, chickens, the works.
Great marriages are like the Higgs Boson particle, its existence has been theorized, but no one has ever seen one.
Every time I see someone taking care of a baby, I think "why in the world would anyone willingly saddle themselves with that responsibility"?
Few things are more negative than thinking positive for no reason.
This relationship is preventing me from becoming everything I can be as a world class masturbator. I'm going to have to ask you to leave.
Patriotism for the sake of is like choosing sides in a war based on the color of their uniforms.
I saw a girl outside - had the biggest fake titties I've ever seen in my life. They were this big, with a half top with stuff written on the shirt, and I couldn't help but look at it. She got mad at me. She goes, 'What are you looking at?' I was like, 'Hey, if I stuff a balloon in my pants and paint a bulls eye on it, you might take a second freakin' peek, weirdo.'
America has so much debt, if she were a person she'd need a co-signer to get a car loan.
Vegas; one of the few places still encouraging men in their fifties to dress like their in a boy-band from the 80's.
Please reduce the expectation in your tone when asking me how my day is going.