Quotes & Jokes by Dov Davidoff / page 16

The best thing about bugs is their lack of self consciousness, also the ability to fly doesn't hurt.

You know you've been listening to too much hip hop when you're response to a red light is "can't stop, won't stop son!".

You realize what level of misery you have to be experiencing to see my 10-speed tied to a pole and then just be like, 'Look at this rich bastard right here!'

I just don't feel like you're right for me... sorry, just talking to myself.

There are few places more lonely than a crowded night club.

If I do marry, I'll expect a pretty serious dowry. I'm talking goats, pigs, chickens, the works.

Few things are more negative than thinking positive for no reason.

Is it a bad sign when the thought of your x-girlfriend makes you say things like, "Satan is a myth... I guess".

Please reduce the expectation in your tone when asking me how my day is going.

I wish I could be attracted to unattractive women. They're just more interesting.

"You can't fool the American people" - politician trying to fool the American people.

Every time I see someone taking care of a baby, I think "why in the world would anyone willingly saddle themselves with that responsibility"?

Patriotism for the sake of is like choosing sides in a war based on the color of their uniforms.

The Statue of Liberty really is profound, I just wish she'd lighten up a bit.

I don't know about you, but I like to fall in love on Mondays. This way if things go south right away you still have the weekend.