Quotes & Jokes by Dov Davidoff / page 17
Mirrors at the gym only serve to remind me that I'm less of a man than I'd like to be.
I like to dress up as a referee and walk into a Foot Locker. You gotta try this. It freaks them out. They get all insecure. The guy's like, 'Wait a second, can I help you?' I was like, 'Can I help you, man? I, too, am a referee. Maybe we could work it out together.' And then someone will ask me for a size 10, and I'll be like, 'Do I look like I work here, chief?'
The Statue of Liberty really is profound, I just wish she'd lighten up a bit.
"We're in this together" usually means "I'm here for you, unless it requires me getting into my car anywhere near rush hour".
I like the way you don't like me, but still let me have sex with you because you don't like yourself.
You can tell a lot about a person by whether or not they're a transvestite.
"You can't fool the American people" - politician trying to fool the American people.
If only St. Valentine was around to see his memory celebrated through the mindless marketing of whipping cream and lingerie.
The Middle East is America's 'champagne room'. No matter how much you spend, you will still never get what you want.
People shouldn't take my lack of interest in what they're saying personally. I don't really care about what I'm saying most of the time.
TV can be an acronym for television or transvestite. I prefer using it to describe the the latter. The former is strange and undignified.
If space suits looked less like marshmallows, I'd be more interested in going to the moon.