Quotes & Jokes by Dov Davidoff / page 17
People shouldn't take my lack of interest in what they're saying personally. I don't really care about what I'm saying most of the time.
TV can be an acronym for television or transvestite. I prefer using it to describe the the latter. The former is strange and undignified.
This relationship is preventing me from becoming everything I can be as a world class masturbator. I'm going to have to ask you to leave.
I like to dress up as a referee and walk into a Foot Locker. You gotta try this. It freaks them out. They get all insecure. The guy's like, 'Wait a second, can I help you?' I was like, 'Can I help you, man? I, too, am a referee. Maybe we could work it out together.' And then someone will ask me for a size 10, and I'll be like, 'Do I look like I work here, chief?'
You can tell a lot about a person by whether or not they're a transvestite.
It's difficult to feel silly and depressed at the same time, but I manage.
The Statue of Liberty really is profound, I just wish she'd lighten up a bit.
Every time I see someone taking care of a baby, I think "why in the world would anyone willingly saddle themselves with that responsibility"?
The Middle East is America's 'champagne room'. No matter how much you spend, you will still never get what you want.
Mirrors at the gym only serve to remind me that I'm less of a man than I'd like to be.
Maybe necrophiliacs are just people that want to have sex without a lot of talking.
Celebrated father's day by congratulating myself for not having a kid.
"We're in this together" usually means "I'm here for you, unless it requires me getting into my car anywhere near rush hour".