Quotes & Jokes by Dov Davidoff / page 18

Anticipation almost always exceeds the reality of that which we anticipated.

I'm pretty sure whoever said, "people are wonderful" spent very little time with people.

People increase their use of the term 'sir' when their angry. Little do they know, it only causes me to feel more like I'm wearing a top hat.

Please reduce the expectation in your tone when asking me how my day is going.

This relationship is preventing me from becoming everything I can be as a world class masturbator. I'm going to have to ask you to leave.

Sleep is over rated, then again so is being awake.

I just don't feel like you're right for me... sorry, just talking to myself.

America has so much debt, if she were a person she'd need a co-signer to get a car loan.

Guys don't use the word "pretty" enough. Like, "hey Mike, did you get that shirt at the game? Looks really pretty on you".

I think you have a lot to offer... not necessarily as a person, but as an organ donor.

Domestic abuse is wrong, but domestic retribution is okay.

Vegas; one of the few places still encouraging men in their fifties to dress like their in a boy-band from the 80's.

Saying, "have a great work-out" is like saying, "I hope you pull something".

Sex sells, unless you're dehydrated in which case you'd be much more likely to purchase water.

If I do marry, I'll expect a pretty serious dowry. I'm talking goats, pigs, chickens, the works.