Quotes & Jokes by Dov Davidoff / page 19

Guys don't use the word "pretty" enough. Like, "hey Mike, did you get that shirt at the game? Looks really pretty on you".

Facebook is great for getting upset about things people say even though you haven't seen them in 12 years.

America is a hot chick with a bad personality. Take her seriously and you'll end up hating yourself.

If I do marry, I'll expect a pretty serious dowry. I'm talking goats, pigs, chickens, the works.

Sex sells, unless you're dehydrated in which case you'd be much more likely to purchase water.

A lot of people in a LA need to take a break from taking a break.

I just don't feel like you're right for me... sorry, just talking to myself.

No one understands the way I feel about things I don't understand.

Finding your voice is something you have to keep working at. Your voice as a comic evolves the same way that you evolve. You have to find out what works for you. How can you express your opinion, your take on the situations in a way that feels natural to you? That’s where you find your voice.

Everybody wants to be more wanted, until they are...

I'm told anal sex is like Mariachi music. It hurts at first, but you get used to it, ultimately maybe even throw on a large hat and enjoy it.

I'll bet a lot more people would use the phrase 'go fuck yourself' more often if no one needed money.

Do you ever have one of those weeks where you know nothings gonna go right?

Few things are more annoying than too many of any one ethnicity in the same room.

When I was a kid I remember thinking, if I had a girl, I would treat her really well. Little did I know, they don't always like that.