Quotes & Jokes by Dov Davidoff / page 19

People increase their use of the term 'sir' when their angry. Little do they know, it only causes me to feel more like I'm wearing a top hat.

You know you've lived in LA to long when what you fear most about prison is a lack of organic produce.

I think you have a lot to offer... not necessarily as a person, but as an organ donor.

Domestic abuse is wrong, but domestic retribution is okay.

If I ever move in with a woman, she'll have to be really comfortable with unhappiness.

Saying, "have a great work-out" is like saying, "I hope you pull something".

Guys don't use the word "pretty" enough. Like, "hey Mike, did you get that shirt at the game? Looks really pretty on you".

I like shitty strip clubs. They look like what they are. I know what to expect. Unlike Congress, at least we know everybody is for sale.

America is a hot chick with a bad personality. Take her seriously and you'll end up hating yourself.

Comedy is rarely funny.

No one understands the way I feel about things I don't understand.

Facebook is great for getting upset about things people say even though you haven't seen them in 12 years.

Just saw a woman with a t-shirt that said "southern and sassy, it's all good". Well madame, I beg to differ, it is in fact, not 'all good'.

Sex sells, unless you're dehydrated in which case you'd be much more likely to purchase water.

I'm told anal sex is like Mariachi music. It hurts at first, but you get used to it, ultimately maybe even throw on a large hat and enjoy it.