Quotes & Jokes by Dov Davidoff / page 20

Just saw a woman with a t-shirt that said "southern and sassy, it's all good". Well madame, I beg to differ, it is in fact, not 'all good'.

The worst part about people with bad personalities is they don't know it.

When being interviewed by a woman for a job, never begin with "listen up doll face".

If you spend a lot of time shopping for athletic clothes, you may want to consider spending less time thinking about high school.

I'd spend more time with you if you were less like you.

I like Irish pubs, except for all the loud music and drinking, and people acting like idiots.

Cheerleaders are simultaneously everything that is right and wrong with the world.

I wish you'd say that to my face. Not because I'm offended, but because I'm lonely and could use the company.

Women want a man who is sensitive, but god forbid you can't get it up after being frightened by a small woodland animal.

Few things are as uniquely painful as bad comedy, and the realization that the human mind is a house of mirrors with no entrance and no exit.

You know you've lived in LA to long when what you fear most about prison is a lack of organic produce.

Laughing at ones own attempt at humor while saying "things just come to me" should be punishable by death.

I'm neither professional fighter nor physicist, therefore on some level I will always consider myself a failure.

Statistically speaking, when a woman says "I'm not going to have sex with you", she'll often have sex with you.

People that say I have a 'fear of commitment' don't understand my relationship with popcorn.