Quotes & Jokes by Dov Davidoff / page 3
If only you understood the way I felt... it wouldn't help much because I don't really like you as a person.
Just heard a guy say "pussy is my thing". Wow, guy really went out on a limb. Do you also like ice cream, and getting things for free?
There must be 15 shows about people's jobs: 'Ice Road Trucker,' 'Axe Men,' 'Dirty Jobs.' Unemployment is so high, we're watching people work.
Quality thoughts will turn their back on you if you don't treat them with respect.
Unlicensed, illegal immigrants are the safest drivers on the road.
Bad sign when the thought of your x-girlfriend sends you reeling in a search for new adjectives to describe stupidity and thoughtlessness?
If I were a woman, I would walk into church and say, "father, I'm not a sinner, but I think my vagina may have been possessed by the devil".
Lack of sleep is only bad if you have to drive, or think, or talk, or move.
Life is what you make of it, unless you have tourette's, in which case much becomes involuntary.
I find your lack of intelligence endearing, but not in a way that would keep me from cheating on you constantly.
Heard someone say "children are god's gift to the world". What world are you referring to? And what's your definition of gift?
The fabric of society is woven together by the needle of suppression and denial.
You know you're too high when you're eating cereal naked and your girlfriend says, 'Put your clothes on,' and then you realize it's not your girlfriend, it's some woman on a bus.
Big black guys fear air travel almost as much as old white women fear big black guys.