Quotes & Jokes by Dov Davidoff / page 3
If only you understood the way I felt... it wouldn't help much because I don't really like you as a person.
Not sure how I feel about reality. I'm going to begin purchasing stuffed animals and endowing them with the qualities people in my life lack.
Just heard a guy say "pussy is my thing". Wow, guy really went out on a limb. Do you also like ice cream, and getting things for free?
Unlicensed, illegal immigrants are the safest drivers on the road.
If I were a woman, I would walk into church and say, "father, I'm not a sinner, but I think my vagina may have been possessed by the devil".
Quality thoughts will turn their back on you if you don't treat them with respect.
There must be 15 shows about people's jobs: 'Ice Road Trucker,' 'Axe Men,' 'Dirty Jobs.' Unemployment is so high, we're watching people work.
Bad sign when the thought of your x-girlfriend sends you reeling in a search for new adjectives to describe stupidity and thoughtlessness?
Heard someone say "children are god's gift to the world". What world are you referring to? And what's your definition of gift?
I find your lack of intelligence endearing, but not in a way that would keep me from cheating on you constantly.
Lack of sleep is only bad if you have to drive, or think, or talk, or move.
Standup comedy is fun. I mean other than having to experience the excruciating lonlieness and unacknowledged sadness that results in funny.
Why's God always got such wacky shit to say? When's the last time you heard somebody say, 'God told me to get a muffin and a cup of tea and cool out, man.'
Visible matter is 4% of the universe.The rest is 'dark matter'. I would argue a third type which describes most of my world. Doesn't matter.