Quotes & Jokes by Dov Davidoff / page 4

Domestic violence isn't funny, especially if you live together.

I said, 'That's the wrong drink.' And he said, 'Sorry, dude, I'm tired.' And I was like, 'Have a frickin' coffee, man. That's why I'm here.'

Violence is never the answer, unless you don't feel like talking.

I've decided to become gay, not in a sexual way, but I am going to start picking up around the house.

Lack of sleep is only bad if you have to drive, or think, or talk, or move.

Big black guys fear air travel almost as much as old white women fear big black guys.

Hard to explain to a guard dog that you need it to protect you from yourself.

Gay men greet each other just like straight guys do... If one of the straight guys saved the other one's life.

You know you're too high when you're eating cereal naked and your girlfriend says, 'Put your clothes on,' and then you realize it's not your girlfriend, it's some woman on a bus.

Upside of being an attractive woman; if you're remotely intelligent, people will treat you like you're brilliant. Downside: same thing.

White people set goals, rappers 'chase paper', and the Chinese are too busy doing both to talk about either one.

Why would you beat up on a gay guy? I'm all for kickin' ass, but let's take out the enemy, you know, some good-looking straight dude with a nice car and job.

Life is what you make of it, unless you have tourette's, in which case much becomes involuntary.

Nothing good about the sun if you're trying to watch television with out curtains.

Was thinking of taking a yoga class, then realized I wasn't gay. Whew. Close one.