Quotes & Jokes by Dov Davidoff / page 4

Thinking about the fathomless cruelty with which man has treated his fellow man, but also ice cream.

Violence is never the answer, unless you don't feel like talking.

Lack of sleep is only bad if you have to drive, or think, or talk, or move.

Domestic violence isn't funny, especially if you live together.

You know you're too high when you're eating cereal naked and your girlfriend says, 'Put your clothes on,' and then you realize it's not your girlfriend, it's some woman on a bus.

White people set goals, rappers 'chase paper', and the Chinese are too busy doing both to talk about either one.

Why would you beat up on a gay guy? I'm all for kickin' ass, but let's take out the enemy, you know, some good-looking straight dude with a nice car and job.

Big black guys fear air travel almost as much as old white women fear big black guys.

Life is what you make of it, unless you have tourette's, in which case much becomes involuntary.

Hard to explain to a guard dog that you need it to protect you from yourself.

Gay men greet each other just like straight guys do... If one of the straight guys saved the other one's life.

I've decided to become gay, not in a sexual way, but I am going to start picking up around the house.

Upside of being an attractive woman; if you're remotely intelligent, people will treat you like you're brilliant. Downside: same thing.

Was thinking of taking a yoga class, then realized I wasn't gay. Whew. Close one.

Nothing good about the sun if you're trying to watch television with out curtains.