Quotes & Jokes by Dov Davidoff / page 4

Visible matter is 4% of the universe.The rest is 'dark matter'. I would argue a third type which describes most of my world. Doesn't matter.

Why's God always got such wacky shit to say? When's the last time you heard somebody say, 'God told me to get a muffin and a cup of tea and cool out, man.'

The man I want to be could easily beat me up.

Thinking about the fathomless cruelty with which man has treated his fellow man, but also ice cream.

Standup comedy is fun. I mean other than having to experience the excruciating lonlieness and unacknowledged sadness that results in funny.

Hard to explain to a guard dog that you need it to protect you from yourself.

I've decided to become gay, not in a sexual way, but I am going to start picking up around the house.

Upside of being an attractive woman; if you're remotely intelligent, people will treat you like you're brilliant. Downside: same thing.

White people set goals, rappers 'chase paper', and the Chinese are too busy doing both to talk about either one.

I'd like to expand the definition of the word 'success' to include 'failure' as the one seems inseparable from the other.

I've decided to retreat to the spirit world where I feel appreciated and understood.

If you love sleep, you'll really enjoy death.

Domestic violence isn't funny, especially if you live together.

"Yo, yo, hear me out" is rarely ever followed by a reasonable, well articulated argument.

I would imagine that most of the people who consider themselves successful aren't, at least in the ways that really matter-myself included.