Quotes & Jokes by Dov Davidoff / page 5
I'd like to expand the definition of the word 'success' to include 'failure' as the one seems inseparable from the other.
I've decided to hire a 'food taster', not because I think anyone is trying to kill me, but because I want to make sure it's not to salty.
If you're an adult and still think material wealth leads to happiness, might I suggest not being a moron.
Drugs in a disco are great for white people because it allows them to feel more Puerto Rican while dancing.
I would imagine that most of the people who consider themselves successful aren't, at least in the ways that really matter-myself included.
I've decided to retreat to the spirit world where I feel appreciated and understood.
You have the attention span of a large bug, and yet I don't feel good enough about myself to not date you.
Going to get a dog and name him, "I don't want to live anymore", then walk around calling him.
Many television weather-women were one abusive parent away from prostitution.
"Yo, yo, hear me out" is rarely ever followed by a reasonable, well articulated argument.
We should create a holiday that celebrates money for what it is, essentially worthless paper, upon which we agree to pretend it has value.
The great thing about having a small family is that there are fewer people to disappoint.