Quotes & Jokes by Dov Davidoff / page 5
"Yo, yo, hear me out" is rarely ever followed by a reasonable, well articulated argument.
I've decided to retreat to the spirit world where I feel appreciated and understood.
Drugs in a disco are great for white people because it allows them to feel more Puerto Rican while dancing.
Why would you beat up on a gay guy? I'm all for kickin' ass, but let's take out the enemy, you know, some good-looking straight dude with a nice car and job.
Nothing good about the sun if you're trying to watch television with out curtains.
Many television weather-women were one abusive parent away from prostitution.
I've decided to hire a 'food taster', not because I think anyone is trying to kill me, but because I want to make sure it's not to salty.
We should create a holiday that celebrates money for what it is, essentially worthless paper, upon which we agree to pretend it has value.
Was thinking of taking a yoga class, then realized I wasn't gay. Whew. Close one.
The great thing about having a small family is that there are fewer people to disappoint.
You have the attention span of a large bug, and yet I don't feel good enough about myself to not date you.
The quality of a restaurant's food is inversely proportioned to the amount of fun its staff seems to be having.
I was in the pharmacy. They have two ply condoms now, for real. Two ply... a guy turns to me. He goes, “Hey, do you think I should go for the two ply or the regular?” I was like, “Hey, if you’re even thinking two ply... Maybe you shouldn’t fuck her.”