Quotes & Jokes by Dov Davidoff / page 5
I'd like to expand the definition of the word 'success' to include 'failure' as the one seems inseparable from the other.
If you're an adult and still think material wealth leads to happiness, might I suggest not being a moron.
I would imagine that most of the people who consider themselves successful aren't, at least in the ways that really matter-myself included.
Drugs in a disco are great for white people because it allows them to feel more Puerto Rican while dancing.
You have the attention span of a large bug, and yet I don't feel good enough about myself to not date you.
I've decided to retreat to the spirit world where I feel appreciated and understood.
I've decided to hire a 'food taster', not because I think anyone is trying to kill me, but because I want to make sure it's not to salty.
"Yo, yo, hear me out" is rarely ever followed by a reasonable, well articulated argument.
We should create a holiday that celebrates money for what it is, essentially worthless paper, upon which we agree to pretend it has value.
The great thing about having a small family is that there are fewer people to disappoint.
Many television weather-women were one abusive parent away from prostitution.
Going to get a dog and name him, "I don't want to live anymore", then walk around calling him.