Quotes & Jokes by Drew Carey / page 5

Nothing's funny about someone who's successful.

When asked if he enjoys being famous: Sometimes I like it, sometimes I don't. I've always been a people watcher. I like to go to malls and just sit, and I can't do that very easily anymore.

Wow! Another steaming pile of good news!

No Faith! At least wait a few minutes until rush hour is over. You're wearing a teddy bear backpack, everyone is gonna want to hit ya.

Hey, can we take a picture of you guys for our dart board?

One of these days I'm going to bite you and I'm gonna get very, very sick.

I just liked stand-up comedy so much. I used to memorize Bill Cosby albums and other people's albums, George Carlin, Flip Wilson.

Thanks Kate, and don't forget to call that number, there is no such thing as a little crack problem.

As you know, I'm from Cleveland, Ohio. I love Cleveland, Ohio. I based my whole career on being from Cleveland, Ohio. And you also might know that Cleveland, Ohio, is going through some tough times right now.

The economy is in trouble, schools are in trouble, and people have been leaving the city in droves for a long, long time.

Thousand points for everybody! Usually a thousand, but for you, nine ninety-nine! Nine ninety-nine! I'm giving the points away, only nine ninety-nine! I'm craaaazy!

The first Monopoly game I played with my brothers, I hated losing so much, I just had to beat them.

It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married.

The Marines was a fresh start - that is why they shave your head. I wish they would let you change your name.

TV is easier: it's all planned out for you and the audience is there to see a show and they are all pumped up but when you are in a comedy club, you have to be really funny to win them over.