Quotes & Jokes by Drew Carey / page 6

If you want to play the "Whose Line Is It Anyway?" home game, just send us a million dollars, and we'll send you a desk and four stools.

I do get the comics online I guess but it's such a pain. I'd rather just get them in the paper and read them.

I think a lot of people are afraid of freedom. They want their lives to be controlled, to be put into a box... People like that cradle-to-grave concept because it says you don't have to think too much, you don't have to worry too much, because someone else is looking out for you. But that also means you can't do as much as you want. Why should someone else put a limit on how much fun I can have; how much I can accomplish?

There's a game called Checkout where there's grocery items and it's how much you think the manufacturer's suggested retail price is and we add up your total, then your total has to be within $2 of the regular total. I don't think I could ever win that game.

The hardest diet I was ever on was the one when I was fat. You can only wear fat clothes, you dont feel good, your sex life gets damaged, you dont have energy for anything. Its horrible.

The Marines was a fresh start - that is why they shave your head. I wish they would let you change your name.

Weirdo. Weirdo. Underachiever. Weirdo. Weirdo.

I like to think of my house as nothing more than a glorified console for my television; the ultimate stereo cabinet.

Like I said, all comedy is based on exaggeration, big or small, whatever you can get away with.

When the show's in production, we work for three weeks at a time and then take a week off.

That's the great thing about having your friends around you. I've known these guys forever. I really enjoy their company just as people. You couldn't ask for a better work environment.

If I wasn't a comic or TV star, I really wanted to be a photojournalist.

My fans are pretty normal, they are always really nice and polite, and they don't interrupt my meals.

And for you kids watching at home, remember, the less homework you do and the closer you sit to the TV, the more points you get.

I honestly think that it automatically hurts me if I said that I supported the war in Iraq and I support the troops. That automatically kills me for getting a bunch of movies, a bunch of TV shows. People don't want to hear from me.