Quotes & Jokes by George Carlin / page 16
Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.
I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.
The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, you know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.
Irony deals with opposites; it has nothing to do with coincidence.
When you think about it, attention-deficit order makes a lot of sense. In this country there isn’t a lot worth paying attention to.
Don't give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you.
Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.
Every time you use the phrase all my life it has a different meaning.
Instead of school busing and prayer in schools, which are both controversial, why not a joint solution? Prayer in buses. Just drive these kids around all day and let them pray their fuckng empty little heads off.