Quotes & Jokes by George Carlin / page 16
Some people see things that are and ask, why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.
Instead of school busing and prayer in schools, which are both controversial, why not a joint solution? Prayer in buses. Just drive these kids around all day and let them pray their fuckng empty little heads off.
Do you know the nicest thing about looking at pictures of a 1950’s baseball park? The only people wearing baseball caps are the players.
Every time you use the phrase all my life it has a different meaning.
Heart disease has changed my eating habits, but I still cook bacon for the smell.
Sore loser? You bet your fucking ass! What on earth is wrong with being a sore loser? It shows you cared about whatever the contest was in the first place. Fuck losing graciously - that's for chumps. And losers, by the way.
Irony deals with opposites; it has nothing to do with coincidence.
Don't give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you.
One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.