Quotes & Jokes by George Carlin / page 16
Do you know the nicest thing about looking at pictures of a 1950’s baseball park? The only people wearing baseball caps are the players.
When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat.
Instead of school busing and prayer in schools, which are both controversial, why not a joint solution? Prayer in buses. Just drive these kids around all day and let them pray their fuckng empty little heads off.
Heart disease has changed my eating habits, but I still cook bacon for the smell.
Don't give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you.
Irony deals with opposites; it has nothing to do with coincidence.
One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
Sore loser? You bet your fucking ass! What on earth is wrong with being a sore loser? It shows you cared about whatever the contest was in the first place. Fuck losing graciously - that's for chumps. And losers, by the way.
The reason they call it the American Dream is because you have to be asleep to believe it.