Quotes & Jokes by George Carlin / page 17
One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
Instead of school busing and prayer in schools, which are both controversial, why not a joint solution? Prayer in buses. Just drive these kids around all day and let them pray their fuckng empty little heads off.
I worry about my judgment when anything I believe in or do regularly begins to be accepted by the American public.
It turned out I was pretty good in science. But again, because of the small budget, in science class we couldn't afford to do experiments in order to prove theories. We just believed everything. Actually, I think that class was called Religion. Religion class was always an easy class. All you had to do was suspend the logic and reasoning you were being taught in all the other classes.
Religion has what is easily the greatest bullshit story of all time.
If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else.
The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, you know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.
My mother would say, "Why are you always playing alone?" And I would say, "I'm not playing, Ma. I'm fucking serious!"
Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers.