Quotes & Jokes by George Carlin / page 21
Don't confuse me with those who cling to hope. I enjoy describing how things are, I have no interest in how they "ought to be". And I certainly have no interest in fixing them. I sincerely believe that if you think there's a solution, you're part of the problem. My motto: Fuck Hope!
It’s way beyond ironic that a place called the Holy Land is the location of the fiercest most deeply felt hatred in the world.
Avoid teams at all cost. Keep your circle small. Never join a group that has a name.
I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.
If your kid needs a role model and you ain't it, you're both fucked.
A lot of times when they catch a guy who killed twenty-seven people, they say, "He was a loner." Well, of course he was a loner; he killed everyone he came in contact with.
Who would have thought that the manufacturing of sticks would be outsourced to China?
Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuck.
I went through the usual stages: imp, rascal, scalawag, whippersnapper. And, of course, after that it's just a small step to full-blown sociopath.