Quotes & Jokes by George Carlin / page 22

What wine goes with Captain Crunch?

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.

You never see a smiling runner.

Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers?

As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.

It's never just a game when you're winning.

I’m a high-tech low-life. A cutting edge, state-of-the-art bi-coastal multi-tasker and I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond!

And off we go, out onto the highway looking for a little fun. Perhaps a flatbed truck loaded with human cadavers will explode in front of a Star Trek reunion. One can only dream and hope.

A cat will blink when struck with a hammer.

History is not happenstance: it is conspiratorial. Carefully planned and executed by people in power.

It’s way beyond ironic that a place called the Holy Land is the location of the fiercest most deeply felt hatred in the world.

I recently bought a book of free verse. For twelve dollars.

I was taken to the hospital for observation. I stayed several days, didn't observe anything, and I left.

I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.

People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.