Quotes & Jokes by George Carlin / page 22
Who would have thought that the manufacturing of sticks would be outsourced to China?
Don't confuse me with those who cling to hope. I enjoy describing how things are, I have no interest in how they "ought to be". And I certainly have no interest in fixing them. I sincerely believe that if you think there's a solution, you're part of the problem. My motto: Fuck Hope!
If a painting can be forged well enough to fool experts, why is the original so valuable?
Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established.
I never joined the Boy Scouts. I don’t trust any organization that has a handbook.
Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuck.
Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did.
I grew up in New York wanting to be like those funny men in the movies and on the radio.
People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.
I am a personal optimist but a skeptic about all else. What may sound to some like anger is really nothing more than sympathetic contempt. I view my species with a combination of wonder and pity, and I root for its destruction. And please don't confuse my point of view with cynicism; the real cynics are the ones who tell you everything's gonna be all right.