Quotes & Jokes by George Carlin / page 25
George Washington’s brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country.
The Golden Gate Bridge should have a long bungee cord for people who aren’t quite ready to commit suicide but want to get in a little practice.
Jesus died for our sins. Dare we make his sacrifice meaningless by not committing them?
I was taken to the hospital for observation. I stayed several days, didn't observe anything, and I left.
As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted?
Excuse me, officer, but would you mind bringing the wreckage a little closer this way? My wife can't see.
When you stress individualism, as this country does; materialism, as this country does; personal weaponry, as this country does; and racial hatred, which is part of our heritage as white Europeans; and then you add the volatile ingredient of nothing.
I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.