Quotes & Jokes by George Carlin / page 34
Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with.
I’m always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I’m listening to it.
Most of the time people feel okay. Probably it’s because at the moment they’re not actually dying.
I've never owned a telescope, but it's something I'm thinking of looking into.
I’m always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I’m listening to it.
You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.
I don't believe there's any problem in this country, no matter how tough it is, that Americans, when they roll up their sleeves, can't completely ignore.
He - and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he, because no woman could or would ever fuck things up this badly.
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories.
What exactly is "midair"? Is there some other part of air besides the "mid" part?