Quotes & Jokes by George Carlin / page 7

If you think there's a solution, you're part of the problem.

You show me something that doesn't cause cancer, and I'll show you something that isn't on the market yet.

All music is the blues. All of it.

If the cops didn’t see it, I didn’t do it!

Regarding the fitness craze: America has lost its soul; now it's trying to save its body.

Hard work is a misleading term. Physical effort and long hours do not constitute hard work. Hard work is when someone pays you to do something you'd rather not be doing. Anytime you'd rather be doing something other than the thing you're doing, you're doing hard work.

It's important in life if you don't give a shit. It can help you a lot.

When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.

The truth is Pavlov's dog trained Pavlov to ring his bell just before the dog salivated.

Whoever coined the term “Buyer Beware” was probably bleeding from the asshole.

I’ve never seen a homeless guy with a bottle of Gatorade.

Boxing is a more sophisticated form of hockey.

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.