Quotes & Jokes by Greg Behrendt / page 5

This country is in a big hurry to go nowhere.

It's very tempting when you really want to be with someone to settle for much, much less - even a vague pathetic facsimile of less - than you would have ever imagined. Remember always what you set out to get and please don't settle for less. These guys exist because there are a lot of women out there who allow them to.

My wife's beautiful. That's why I married her. Because I want to see her every day.

Lying, cheating, hiding is the exact opposite of the behavior of a man who’s really into you.

Don't you want the guy who'll forget about all the other things in his life before he forgets about you?

I was coming down the street today with my girlfriend. This guy shouts out, 'Hey man, your girlfriend's a peach!' And I thought, 'Well, that's nice.' And then it turns out she has a really fuzzy face and a stem.

The reason it's so painful when someone disappears is you have to face the fact that the person you loved had probably left you a long time before he grabbed his coat and scrammed.

Before you look for validation in others, try and find it in yourself.

I mean, I feel like you can kill the same bird with both stones.

It`s the prettiest place on the planet. My childhood was like a dream. It`s like the last Mayberry.

Here's something else to think about: calling when you say you're going to is the very first brick in the house you are building of love and trust. If he can't lay this one stupid brick down, you ain't never gonna have a house baby, and it's cold outside.

Why should you feel honored for getting scraps of his time?

Because here’s what guys don’t do if they can’t live without you: they don’t break up with you.

There will never be a good time financially to get married unless you're Shaq or Ray Romano. But somehow people manage. If your man is using money as an excuse not to marry you its your relationship that's insecure not his bank account.

Alone also means available for someone outstanding.