Quotes & Jokes by Greg Behrendt / page 9
When you're in your 20s and 30s and you drop some weight, people notice, they're nice about it. They're like, 'Hey man, you look good!' But when you're in your 40s and you lose weight, people are like, 'You doin' all right?'
She didn't love me that much, but she moved in with me. That's a plus. And then one night, I caught her making out with another dude on the driveway. That's a minus.
Being brokenhearted is like having broken ribs. On the outside it looks like nothing's wrong, but every breath hurts.
When we’re picking someone who we want to spend a lot of time with, even perhaps for the rest of our lives, we generally try to pick someone who likes to do the things we like to do.
I'm certain prison is pretty rough as it is but imagine if you were a murderer and a foodie!
If we’re friends with someone and attracted to them, we’re going to want to take it further.
At this point in time, that's like saying you're not 'into the phone.'
So, I play in a band. It's a really underground band. Super underground. Very underground. Like, we don't even actually play.
If a man is really into you, nothing will stop him from being with you - including a fear of intimacy.
The day you realize you don't have to make sense to anyone is the day you start to make sense to you.
Feeling in love and fear feel a lot alike. They both give you that anxious butterfly feeling in your stomach, a sense of excitement, and a general unease physically and mentally. It's easy to confuse love with fear.
I like the idea that when a guy comes over to the house, I get to say I wrote the book.