Quotes & Jokes by Henny Youngman / page 11
She was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for the estimate.
Those bellhops in Miami are tip-happy. I ordered a deck of playing cards and the bellboy made fifty-two trips to my room.
My brother then bought 1000 Japanese cameras. They all go, "Crick".
Three weeks ago, she learned how to drive. Last week she learned how to aim it.
I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.
A little man is running a jewelry store. A man runs in saying, "Okay, take my watch, put on a new band, install a new battery, clean the case, install a new crystal, and tune it up. I will be back in a half hour for it. Thanks!" and runs out the door. The little jeweler says, "C-C-C-Come in?"
A Polish man bought a zebra for a pet. What does he call the zebra? Spot!
A Polish man in a helicopter. Goes up to 800 feet. Down it comes! What happened? "It got chilly up there, so I turned off the fan!"
So I said, "Where do you want to go for your anniversary?" She said: "I want to go somewhere I've never been before." I said, "Try the kitchen."
Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men.
A car hit a Jewish man. The paramedic says, "Are you comfortable?" The man says, "I make a good living."
My wife is a light eater - as soon as it's light, she starts to eat.