Quotes & Jokes by Jay Leno / page 11
China is now expected to surpass Japan as the 2nd richest country in the world. They could become the richest, but that’s only if we pay them the money we owe them, and that’s not going to happen.
President Bush spoke with the Amish. He didn't want to, but it was the only group he could find that wasn't upset about the high price of gas.
Researchers found a frog in new guinea that is so tiny, they believe it's the smallest vertebrate on the planet. It has the tiniest backbone of any living creature, except members of Congress.
Denmark is charging a fat food tax on cheese, meat, and oil. Here, we call that the Denny's Grand Slam breakfast.
The Supreme Court has ruled that anybody can be strip-searched for any kind of arrest. That's something to think about the next time you bring 12 items into a 10-item-or-less lane.
Nissan is designing a car that will read the driver’s mind. I already know what I’m going to do. I want a car that will read the other guy’s mind.
Newsweek reported that 87 Congressman are currently having affairs. In fact, that is why they have roll call ever morning, to see who is back from the motel. Last call Kennedy! I know these guys like to poll their constituents but this is ridiculous.
According to geologists, about 100 million years from now, Asia and the Americas will smash together to form one giant supercontinent. The good news: Maybe all those jobs that went over there will finally come back.
9% would give up sex for the remote control. 91% has already given up sex for the remote control!
The Bush administration said today there is a lot of support for us to attack Iraq. Exxon, Mobil, Texaco, Chevron, they're all lining up.
President Bush is taking the entire month of August off. Bush said today he thinks it is important for a president to spend time away from Washington. Or at least that's what Dick Cheney told him.
An evangelical minister has had to resign after pictures surfaced showing him in a hot tub with two women. He claimed it was just a baptism gone terribly wrong.
A new medical study reports that men who eat ten pizzas a week are less likely to develop prostate problems at age 50. That's because they are usually dead by age 40.