Quotes & Jokes by Jay Leno / page 12
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime. Teach a man to create an artificial shortage of fish and he will eat steak.
9% would give up sex for the remote control. 91% has already given up sex for the remote control!
After seeing Condit last night, we now realize how great a liar Clinton was.
People don't mind if you have a lot of money if they know you're working for it.
According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about women is their eyes. And women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars.
A Libyan rebel has admitted to killing Moammar Gadhafi. He said he shot Gadhafi twice in the temple, to which Michele Bachmann said, "I didn't even know the guy was Jewish."
British scientists say they have developed a super broccoli that can help fight heart disease. You know, if you want to fight heart disease, why don't you come up with a food people will actually eat? Like a super glazed doughnut.
What's going on with the Oakland Raiders? You know, I don't want to say the Raiders are bad, but you know, now, a lot of fans are painting their faces just so they won't be recognized.
Dick Cheney finally responded today to demands that he reveal the details of the Enron meetings. This is what he said. He met with unnamed people, from unspecified companies, for an indeterminate amount of time at an undisclosed location. Thank God he cleared that up. I'm ready to move on.
In America, we like everyone to know about the good work we're doing anonymously.
There are now more obese people in the United States than there are overweight people. I think it's safe to say that after all these years, Diet Coke is a complete failure.
If we go down in flames, we will be laughing on the way down, believe me.
This year there are 50 women on the Forbes richest list, or as John Kerry calls that, his little black book.
Did you know that 10% of all Americans have not had sex in 5 years? I didn't know there were so many Republicans...