Quotes & Jokes by Jay Leno / page 5
I have the same friends I had in high school. I'm married to the same woman I had. I'm still driving the same car I had when I dated her, although I got a few more. I come in here and I enjoy it. I enjoy being a voyeur to show business. I enjoy looking at it and being around it. But it doesn't become my life. I don't let it absorb me.
A new study says that working fewer hours can slow global warming. So you know what that means? President Obama's economic policy is also his climate change policy.
Go through your phone book, call people and ask them to drive you to the airport. The ones who will drive you are your true friends. The rest aren't bad people; they're just acquaintances.
You know what they should call this war - Son of Bush vs. Son of a Bitch.
It is said that life begins when the fetus can exist apart from its mother. By this definition, many people in Hollywood are legally dead.
In France, they're having trouble translating a lot of Internet terms into French. In France the law is you have to use French words. For example, there are no French words for surfing the Web, there aren't any French words for chat session, and there aren't any French words for hacker. Of course, a lot of other words don`t translate to French either: military victory, deodorant...
There's this big pie in show business, and you physically can't eat the whole pie. If you give everybody a slice of pie, you will still have more than enough. The real trick is not to try to get the whole pie, but to keep the biggest slice.
The most impressive thing about President Obama's State of the Union speech last night was that he did the whole thing without a single drink of water.
President Bush said this Iraq situation looks like 'the rerun of a bad movie.' Well sure, there's a Bush in the White House, the economy's going to hell, we're going to war over oil. I've seen this movie, haven't I?.
The Republican debate got pretty heated. They spent most of their time arguing over who God called first.
According to a new geographic literacy study 4 out of 10 American students couldn't find Iraq on a map. However 10 out of 10 Mexicans could find the U.S. without a map.
The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.
Scientists say that Texas and Antarctica were connected at one time. In fact, early Mexicans used to go through Texas to try to sneak into Antarctica.