Quotes & Jokes by Jerry Seinfeld / page 6

The big advantage of a book is it's very easy to rewind. Close it and you're right back at the beginning.

What would the world be like if people said whatever they were thinking, all the time, whenever it came to them? How long would a blind date last? About 13 seconds, I think. "Oh, sorry, your rear end is too big." "That's ok, your breath stinks anyway. See you later."

We sold 'Seinfeld' all over the world but it was a very specific kind of show. In some countries it went down really well, in others they hated it.

I don't wanna be a Pirate!

Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.

I prefer the old theaters because the audience is... trapped.

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.

See, you know how to take the reservation, you just don't know how to hold the reservation and that's really the most important part of the reservation, the holding. Anybody can just take them.

There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.

Men like a ref decision because they just want to get back to the game.

Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them's making a poop, the other one's carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge.

And that's when I realized, when you're a kid you don't need a costume, you are superman.

You can be passionate about anything.

What is this obsession people have with books? They put them in their houses like they're trophies. What do you need it for after you read it?

I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive.