Quotes & Jokes by Jerry Seinfeld / page 6

We sold 'Seinfeld' all over the world but it was a very specific kind of show. In some countries it went down really well, in others they hated it.

What would the world be like if people said whatever they were thinking, all the time, whenever it came to them? How long would a blind date last? About 13 seconds, I think. "Oh, sorry, your rear end is too big." "That's ok, your breath stinks anyway. See you later."

Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.

The big advantage of a book is it's very easy to rewind. Close it and you're right back at the beginning.

I prefer the old theaters because the audience is... trapped.

I mean, she's giving and caring and genuinely concerned about the welfare of others. I can't be with someone like that.

The first real thought that I had of something that I might do was to write for car magazines, because I always had a car thing.

You can be passionate about anything.

And that's when I realized, when you're a kid you don't need a costume, you are superman.

There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.

Men want to make women happy.

I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive.

What is this obsession people have with books? They put them in their houses like they're trophies. What do you need it for after you read it?

I don't wanna be a Pirate!

Anyone who would laugh at a recital is probably some sort of lunatic anyway. I mean, only a sick, twisted mind could be that rude and ignorant.