Quotes & Jokes by Jerry Seinfeld / page 6

The big advantage of a book is it's very easy to rewind. Close it and you're right back at the beginning.

We sold 'Seinfeld' all over the world but it was a very specific kind of show. In some countries it went down really well, in others they hated it.

What would the world be like if people said whatever they were thinking, all the time, whenever it came to them? How long would a blind date last? About 13 seconds, I think. "Oh, sorry, your rear end is too big." "That's ok, your breath stinks anyway. See you later."

Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.

I prefer the old theaters because the audience is... trapped.

I don't wanna be a Pirate!

You can be passionate about anything.

I mean, she's giving and caring and genuinely concerned about the welfare of others. I can't be with someone like that.

There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.

The first real thought that I had of something that I might do was to write for car magazines, because I always had a car thing.

And that's when I realized, when you're a kid you don't need a costume, you are superman.

Men want to make women happy.

What is this obsession people have with books? They put them in their houses like they're trophies. What do you need it for after you read it?

I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive.

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.