Quotes & Jokes by Jim Carrey / page 6

Nice jump, Spider-Man!

Now you know the house rules, no !@#$% after eleven

Morgan Freeman is so class. He's so cool. He's so scary.

You were never there for me were you mother? You expected Mike and Carol Brady to raise me! I'm the bastard son of Claire Huxtable! I am a Lost Cunningham! I learned the facts of life from watching The Facts of Life! Oh God!

Constantly talking isn't necessarily communicating.

I got you the big screen TV, deluxe karaoke machine, and THX quality sound that would make George Lucas cream in his pants!

Either you're the one erasing or you're the one being erased.

I absolutely want to have a career where you make'em laugh and make'em cry. It's all theater.

Holy Testicle Tuesday!

Until Ace Ventura, no actor had considered talking through his ass.

I think I could go away tomorrow. I've already accomplished something. It's such a selfish business that sometimes I get sick of myself.

I have been the guy who has everything but yet is so one-track minded about what I want, that I can't see my blessings.

This country has helped define me and make my dreams come true.

I just wanna hang out. No big deal!

Hey man. It's me again. I was just taking a whizz. Thought you might have called. Okay, later.