Quotes & Jokes by Mort Sahl / page 4

We all know that America is the worst country in the world, except for all the others.

Those who learn nothing from history are condemned to rewrite it.

The beat generation is a coffeehouse full of people expectantly looking at their watches waiting for the beat generation to come on.

We would have broken up except for the children. Who were the children? Well, she and I were.

Bush is the face on the can. But who canned that soup?

In addition to optimal atmosphere, the tight-knit staff at Kelly's made performers feel welcome and above all respected. Elsewhere, that wasn't always the case. I made some good friends there. It was a wonderful place. You never missed home when you were there. I was having a good time, and people were awfully good to me.

Professional comedians, surprisingly, have a lack of humor. They're insensitive to the insanity of our times.

That feeling of hopelessness only serves your masters.

Television is never more false than when it's openly sincere.

'She looks great but what'll I say to her in the morning.' I'm searching for the new maturity: she looks great, but I have nothing to say to her now.

People tell me there are a lot of guys like me, which doesn't explain why I'm lonely.

I don't believe in good people and bad people. I believe in the better parts of people.

I don't think fascism is dying for.

Obama is running again for spite.

My whole life is a movie. It's just that there are no dissolves. I have to live every agonizing moment of it. My life needs editing.