Quotes & Jokes by Mort Sahl / page 4

There's so much Botox around now that you can't tell when a Jewish girl is angry!

We all know that America is the worst country in the world, except for all the others.

We would have broken up except for the children. Who were the children? Well, she and I were.

Bush is the face on the can. But who canned that soup?

The beat generation is a coffeehouse full of people expectantly looking at their watches waiting for the beat generation to come on.

In addition to optimal atmosphere, the tight-knit staff at Kelly's made performers feel welcome and above all respected. Elsewhere, that wasn't always the case. I made some good friends there. It was a wonderful place. You never missed home when you were there. I was having a good time, and people were awfully good to me.

That feeling of hopelessness only serves your masters.

I don't think fascism is dying for.

Professional comedians, surprisingly, have a lack of humor. They're insensitive to the insanity of our times.

'She looks great but what'll I say to her in the morning.' I'm searching for the new maturity: she looks great, but I have nothing to say to her now.

Television is never more false than when it's openly sincere.

I don't believe in good people and bad people. I believe in the better parts of people.

People tell me there are a lot of guys like me, which doesn't explain why I'm lonely.

My whole life is a movie. It's just that there are no dissolves. I have to live every agonizing moment of it. My life needs editing.

I'm not a liberal, I'm a radical!