Quotes & Jokes by Mort Sahl / page 4

I watched Ken Burns' Civil War series on PBS. My favorite segment is when Bob Hope entertains the troops at Gettysburg.

We all know that America is the worst country in the world, except for all the others.

Bush is the face on the can. But who canned that soup?

The beat generation is a coffeehouse full of people expectantly looking at their watches waiting for the beat generation to come on.

We would have broken up except for the children. Who were the children? Well, she and I were.

In addition to optimal atmosphere, the tight-knit staff at Kelly's made performers feel welcome and above all respected. Elsewhere, that wasn't always the case. I made some good friends there. It was a wonderful place. You never missed home when you were there. I was having a good time, and people were awfully good to me.

Professional comedians, surprisingly, have a lack of humor. They're insensitive to the insanity of our times.

That feeling of hopelessness only serves your masters.

Television is never more false than when it's openly sincere.

I don't think fascism is dying for.

'She looks great but what'll I say to her in the morning.' I'm searching for the new maturity: she looks great, but I have nothing to say to her now.

People tell me there are a lot of guys like me, which doesn't explain why I'm lonely.

Obama is running again for spite.

I don't believe in good people and bad people. I believe in the better parts of people.

My whole life is a movie. It's just that there are no dissolves. I have to live every agonizing moment of it. My life needs editing.