Quotes & Jokes by Mort Sahl / page 4

'She looks great but what'll I say to her in the morning.' I'm searching for the new maturity: she looks great, but I have nothing to say to her now.

Obama says his recreation consists of reading the Constitution... looking for a loophole.

In the forties, to get a girl you had to be a GI or a jock. In the fifties, to get a girl you had to be Jewish. In the sixties, to get a girl you had to be black. In the seventies, to get a girl you've got to be a girl.

In addition to optimal atmosphere, the tight-knit staff at Kelly's made performers feel welcome and above all respected. Elsewhere, that wasn't always the case. I made some good friends there. It was a wonderful place. You never missed home when you were there. I was having a good time, and people were awfully good to me.

My whole life is a movie. It's just that there are no dissolves. I have to live every agonizing moment of it. My life needs editing.

There's so much Botox around now that you can't tell when a Jewish girl is angry!

I don't think fascism is dying for.

People tell me there are a lot of guys like me, which doesn't explain why I'm lonely.

Television is never more false than when it's openly sincere.

That feeling of hopelessness only serves your masters.

We all know that America is the worst country in the world, except for all the others.

One thing about being narrow-minded: you'll never be lonely.

Professional comedians, surprisingly, have a lack of humor. They're insensitive to the insanity of our times.

I'm not a liberal, I'm a radical!

I don't believe in good people and bad people. I believe in the better parts of people.