Quotes & Jokes by Mort Sahl / page 4

I don't think fascism is dying for.

You know what I want you to do? I want you to blow out the candle and curse the darkness.

I watched Ken Burns' Civil War series on PBS. My favorite segment is when Bob Hope entertains the troops at Gettysburg.

In the forties, to get a girl you had to be a GI or a jock. In the fifties, to get a girl you had to be Jewish. In the sixties, to get a girl you had to be black. In the seventies, to get a girl you've got to be a girl.

Television is never more false than when it's openly sincere.

In addition to optimal atmosphere, the tight-knit staff at Kelly's made performers feel welcome and above all respected. Elsewhere, that wasn't always the case. I made some good friends there. It was a wonderful place. You never missed home when you were there. I was having a good time, and people were awfully good to me.

There's so much Botox around now that you can't tell when a Jewish girl is angry!

That feeling of hopelessness only serves your masters.

I'm not a liberal, I'm a radical!

Obama says his recreation consists of reading the Constitution... looking for a loophole.

Professional comedians, surprisingly, have a lack of humor. They're insensitive to the insanity of our times.

My whole life is a movie. It's just that there are no dissolves. I have to live every agonizing moment of it. My life needs editing.

We all know that America is the worst country in the world, except for all the others.

One thing about being narrow-minded: you'll never be lonely.

I don't believe in good people and bad people. I believe in the better parts of people.