Quotes & Jokes by Phyllis Diller / page 6

I met my husband when a friend sent him over to my house to cure my hiccoughs.

Fang took the entire family out for coffee and donuts the other night. The kids enjoyed it. It was the first time they’d ever given blood.

Would you believe I once entered a beauty contest? I not only came in last, I got 361 get well cards.

He was in the air most of the time. On the air, in the air, one way or the other. It was his thing and this was his airport.

My husband always felt that a marriage and career don’t mix. That’s why he’s never worked.

Some wives have model husbands, I got one that needed remodeling.

My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.

Fang is such a drag. He took his suit to the cleaners to be cleaned and depressed.

Feminism is doomed to failure because it is based on an attempt to repeal and restructure human nature.

I never made 'Who's Who,' but I'm featured in 'What's That?'

We had a civil ceremony – his mother couldn’t come.

I got my first laugh when my mother entered me in a baby contest.

When I was a kid and we used to play Post Office, I was the Dead Letter Office.

If Fang had a brain operations, it would be minor surgery.

The last thing I'd learn, well into my career, was how to get on, how to say hello, how to get in with the audience.