Quotes & Jokes by Phyllis Diller / page 7
When I was a kid and we used to play Post Office, I was the Dead Letter Office.
When I go to the dentist, he's the one that has to have the anesthetic.
My mother-in-law buys her coats in a carper shop. She wears a 9x12.
I hate smart sales clerks. I said to one, "What do you have in lingerie?" She says, "More than you’ll ever have!"
Fang is so dumb. When he won his letter for high school the coach had to read it to him.
My sister-in-law is so skinny that she has a striped dress with only one stripe.
Fang drops so much food on his ties we keep them in the refrigerator.
When I go to bed at night, I've got so much grease on my body I wear snow chains to hold up my nightgown.
Actually, I comb my hair quite often. Of course, I use an electric toothbrush.
I have nothing against dogs. I just hate rugs that go squish-squish.
Fang's breath is so bad the dentist works on him through his ears.