Quotes & Jokes by Red Buttons / page 4
Peter Minuet, who said to the Indians in modern-day Manhattan, "Will you accept a check from a Puerto Rican bank?" Never got a dinner!
Pliny the Elder, who when Rome was burning requested Nero to play "You Picked a Fine Time to Leave Me, Lucille." Never got a dinner!
The captain of the Titanic, who said to room service, "Who sent for all this ice?" Never got a dinner!
Queen Elizabeth, who said, "Not now, I'm on the throne." Never got a dinner!
Eve, who said to Adam, "What do you mean the kids don't look like you?" Never got a dinner! (Got an apple, but never got a dinner.)
Lot, who said to his wife as she was being turned into a pillar of salt, "Stop shaking!" Never got a dinner!
Making you a pioneer only means one thing. You were around at the time.
Ponce de Leon, who said when he discovered the Fountain of Youth, "Where the hell are the paper cups?" Never got a dinner!
King Solomon, who said to his thousand wives, "Who doesn't have a headache tonight?" Never got a dinner!
Abraham Lincoln, who said, "A house divided... is a condominium." Never got a dinner!
Nancy Reagan, who said to Jerry Zipkin, "What do you wear to a recession?" Never got a dinner!
Moses, who said when the Red Sea parted, "What the hell was that? I was just going in for a dip!" Never got a dinner!
Moses, who said to the Israelites, "Stop calling me Charlton!" Never got a dinner!
Julius Caesar’s wife, who said to Julius, "We are not naming our son Sid!" Never got a dinner!