Quotes & Jokes by Red Buttons / page 4
Peter Minuet, who said to the Indians in modern-day Manhattan, "Will you accept a check from a Puerto Rican bank?" Never got a dinner!
Making you a pioneer only means one thing. You were around at the time.
Adam, who said to our Lord in the Garden of Eden, "I got more ribs - you got more broads?" Never got a dinner!
Billy Carter, who asked his brother Jimmy, "Do you think you could get me on the Gong Show?" Never got a dinner!
Moses, who said to the Israelites, "Stop calling me Charlton!" Never got a dinner!
Pliny the Elder, who when Rome was burning requested Nero to play "You Picked a Fine Time to Leave Me, Lucille." Never got a dinner!
Lot, who said to his wife as she was being turned into a pillar of salt, "Stop shaking!" Never got a dinner!
The captain of the Titanic, who said to room service, "Who sent for all this ice?" Never got a dinner!
Julius Caesar’s wife, who said to Julius, "We are not naming our son Sid!" Never got a dinner!
King Solomon, who said to his thousand wives, "Who doesn't have a headache tonight?" Never got a dinner!
Simon Peter, who embarrassed the other disciples at the Last Supper by asking for seconds." Never got a dinner!
Abraham Lincoln, who said, "A house divided... is a condominium." Never got a dinner!
Nancy Reagan, who said to Jerry Zipkin, "What do you wear to a recession?" Never got a dinner!
John Travolta, who said, "My Saturday night fever was nothing compared to my Sunday morning rash." Never got a dinner!