Quotes & Jokes by Richard Lewis / page 12

I tried to be rigorously honest with my flaws and it was clear that I couldn't be friends with myself.

The greatest impact on my life has been nothing.

Desperation is my sweet spot.

I love life! One day maybe it'll be my own.

My relatives all put in chips in their TV's to block my appearances.

I've always been a hypochondriac. As a little boy, I'd eat my M & M's one by one with a glass of water.

During her pregnancy my mother referred to me as a "wreck-in-progress."

What’s a Jewish mobster? I’m going to break the legs of your therapist.

I pray that I have my afterlife before I die.

If I don't take anything that I say seriously only an idiot would.

To be as transparent and fearless as I can here are some answers. No. No. Of course. Never. Won't happen. ASAP. I'm too afraid.

Don't expect life to care about your expectations, just boast about the failures.

I expected to much from my expectations fast and I'm all screwed up again... but I expected that to happen.

To be safe I strive for imperfection.

For my sake I hope this is the first day of somebody else's life.