Quotes & Jokes by Richard Lewis / page 13

I don't like horror movies because I'm squeamish. But I go because my ex's like to go. They like to pull for the antichrist.

I think; therefore I worry.

If you have to work at feeling lust towards your significant other maybe it is time to get a day job.

To be as transparent and fearless as I can here are some answers. No. No. Of course. Never. Won't happen. ASAP. I'm too afraid.

I couldn't sleep as usual so I finally decided to close my eyes and it worked for a while. How come I never knew this technique?

I just unfollowed myself. Why follow an idiot.

I'll speak for me, though it's hard for me to speak for myself because I don't know who I am.

She was an egomaniac. We would make love. She went, 'I only want to make love on my good side.' She would have an orgasm and say, 'I love me.'

Given human nature, as far as I'm concerned, I think each of us should have a legal option before we are forced to be included in mankind.

Desperation is my sweet spot.

To be safe I strive for imperfection.

Don't expect life to care about your expectations, just boast about the failures.

I pray that I have my afterlife before I die.

My wife loves me for what I could've been.

The best tip for insomnia for me is not trying to sleep.