Quotes & Jokes by Richard Lewis / page 13

I think; therefore I worry.

My relatives all put in chips in their TV's to block my appearances.

If you have to work at feeling lust towards your significant other maybe it is time to get a day job.

I expected to much from my expectations fast and I'm all screwed up again... but I expected that to happen.

I just unfollowed myself. Why follow an idiot.

Given human nature, as far as I'm concerned, I think each of us should have a legal option before we are forced to be included in mankind.

I pray that I have my afterlife before I die.

I enjoy life as long as it is not my own.

I'll speak for me, though it's hard for me to speak for myself because I don't know who I am.

Don't expect life to care about your expectations, just boast about the failures.

The greatest three seconds in my life was when I fell in love.

I couldn't sleep as usual so I finally decided to close my eyes and it worked for a while. How come I never knew this technique?

I'm a cautious pessimist.

To be safe I strive for imperfection.

This weekend I pulled a muscle in my cheeks trying to smile.