Quotes & Jokes by Richard Lewis / page 14

I'm a cautious pessimist.

If you feel ill at ease in your own skin get it taliored.

I love life! One day maybe it'll be my own.

If history repeats itself I'm hopeful that I can get out of it with a note from my shrink.

I enjoy life as long as it is not my own.

The greatest three seconds in my life was when I fell in love.

This weekend I pulled a muscle in my cheeks trying to smile.

She was wacko. She was an only child, but she still had a sibling rivalry.

Just woke up after a nightmare only to reaiize it is far safer asleep than me making breakfast and always paranoid about poisoning myself.

My mother sadly claimed, that my birth was just a coincidence.

I purposefully studied ventriloquism so I can throw my orgasm - which was sort of a sad moment in my life.

We had our own Olympics and forget the color war. We had the colon wars, which was sort of sad. The rabbi was the head of the sports department, and he said, 'Let the injuries begin!'

Founding Fathers didn't worship Jesse James or Al Capone. Protect yourself but gun reform will save murders and suicides in the long run.

What good are family values if they are built on hate.

"The times they are a changin" mostly for those who need it least.