Quotes & Jokes by Richard Lewis / page 14

Don't expect life to care about your expectations, just boast about the failures.

I enjoy life as long as it is not my own.

To be as transparent and fearless as I can here are some answers. No. No. Of course. Never. Won't happen. ASAP. I'm too afraid.

If history repeats itself I'm hopeful that I can get out of it with a note from my shrink.

I'm a cautious pessimist.

This weekend I pulled a muscle in my cheeks trying to smile.

The greatest three seconds in my life was when I fell in love.

She was wacko. She was an only child, but she still had a sibling rivalry.

My mother sadly claimed, that my birth was just a coincidence.

Just woke up after a nightmare only to reaiize it is far safer asleep than me making breakfast and always paranoid about poisoning myself.

We had our own Olympics and forget the color war. We had the colon wars, which was sort of sad. The rabbi was the head of the sports department, and he said, 'Let the injuries begin!'

I purposefully studied ventriloquism so I can throw my orgasm - which was sort of a sad moment in my life.

What good are family values if they are built on hate.

"The times they are a changin" mostly for those who need it least.

Founding Fathers didn't worship Jesse James or Al Capone. Protect yourself but gun reform will save murders and suicides in the long run.