Quotes & Jokes by Richard Lewis / page 15
The first sentence that I was taught to say by my parents as a little boy was, " Of course I know that I'm wrong."
Founding Fathers didn't worship Jesse James or Al Capone. Protect yourself but gun reform will save murders and suicides in the long run.
We made love, and I thought she had an orgasm. I said, 'Well, did you have an orgasm?' She said, 'Yeah, but I was hoping for a series.'
The secret to a happy life is to have zero expectations and try to not trust prop comics.
It's low self-esteem. I understand; I was brought up with it. I go on the road - when I do concerts, I bring a portable Wailing Wall. I'm always prepared.
Anyone who has faith in humanity is probably an uneducated extraterrestrial.
My shrink told me I had an out-of-family experience when I was growing up.
My grandparents had a satellite dish. They were the first ones, like, in 1961. It was like a Jewish one: it picked up problems from other families.
Don't count on others to care about you more than you do about yourself or you'll probably run away with the circus and hide forever.
Being sober for 18 years, now when I take prescribed medicine I pray for hip, side effects.