Quotes & Jokes by Richard Lewis / page 17

My nightmares have coming attractions.

Dealing with joy sometimes is more difficult than overcoming adversity if you enjoy self-loathng as a hobby.

If you feel comfortable in your own skin it's not yours.

When John and Yoko promoted. "Give Peace a Chance" my folks sadly thought they just meant our family.

I have ditched every resentment in my life except that tricky one against myself.

If I'm on the toilet for more than two minutes, I take Dramamine. That's how nauseous I get.

I wrote my nightmares out this afternoon so I can get a good night's sleep tonight.

Don't take death for granted.

Nightmares are killing me so I'm going to sleep doing impressions.

Life can be a bitch so at least try not to fall in love with one.

I lost my virginity alone... at least that's what the chick told me.

Artistic idols of mine who died got an average mention of 22 seconds on the local news. Bottom-line fame-seekers, sleep with news anchors.

My shrink is so baffled she now blames her own childhood for my anxiety.

Crap, I have a new obsession... I second-guess other people.

I'm best in bed sexually when I'm alone and especially during a quake.