Quotes & Jokes by Richard Lewis / page 17

Crap, I have a new obsession... I second-guess other people.

They flew me out in this plane that was only first class. It was all first class. It was the most psychotic thing I've ever seen in my life. The drinking that went on - it was like Mardi Gras. The nose of the plane started to develop red veins.

I just fired my shrink. She called me the "Every-Mess."

When John and Yoko promoted. "Give Peace a Chance" my folks sadly thought they just meant our family.

I'll take a vaction if I don't go.

Have a good night pals. I mean someone has to.

My nightmares have coming attractions.

If you feel comfortable in your own skin it's not yours.

Dealing with joy sometimes is more difficult than overcoming adversity if you enjoy self-loathng as a hobby.

A cop just pulled me over and told me to stop blaming my childhood.

I lost my virginity alone... at least that's what the chick told me.

I'm best in bed sexually when I'm alone and especially during a quake.

I try to live in the moment but other people ruin it.

My shrink is so baffled she now blames her own childhood for my anxiety.

I can't be in two places at one time unless I'm alone.