Quotes & Jokes by Richard Lewis / page 17
"The times they are a changin" mostly for those who need it least.
The first sentence that I was taught to say by my parents as a little boy was, " Of course I know that I'm wrong."
I'm best in bed sexually when I'm alone and especially during a quake.
My shrink is so baffled she now blames her own childhood for my anxiety.
If I have an orgasm, I feel that I have to give six weeks of community service to various charities.
I had trouble with the last relationship. I got scared a little bit and had two Amish people come over who were friends of mine. They had an erection raising.
If I'm on the toilet for more than two minutes, I take Dramamine. That's how nauseous I get.
Artistic idols of mine who died got an average mention of 22 seconds on the local news. Bottom-line fame-seekers, sleep with news anchors.
I wrote my nightmares out this afternoon so I can get a good night's sleep tonight.
My shrink is bored and insists that I create and blame my darkness on another family.
I lost my virginity alone... at least that's what the chick told me.