Quotes & Jokes by Richard Lewis / page 4

I have so much on my mind yet so little to say.

Sobriety worked for me but I have so much clarity now I hate myself even more.

Before I have masturbation, I say to myself, 'Break a leg.' While I masturbate, I actually fantasize that I'm somebody else. In fact, if I do it in different rooms, I actually feel that I'm cheating on myself - which is sad.

I hired three people to watch my back but they were killed so now I have a team of gypsies watch my future and let the present worry alone.

I hope I'm able to relive my future.

My shrink told me that my happiness was stress related.

My beautiful rescue dog, Bella Luna Lewis, has decided to put me up for adoption.

Sadly, the worst audience I ever had were my parents.

I never care what people think of me, especially myself.

Good morning... never experienced that myself.

My favorite holiday is Co-dependency Day.

Emotionally, the hardest part about living for me is being me.

I would believe in reincarnation but too many of me ex-girlfriends did and it isn't worth the risk.

I guess I am a true narcissist. I convinced my dog to walk me.

The best way to have an affair without feeling guilty is to sleep with your therapist.