Quotes & Jokes by Richard Lewis / page 4

Sobriety worked for me but I have so much clarity now I hate myself even more.

I have so much on my mind yet so little to say.

Before I have masturbation, I say to myself, 'Break a leg.' While I masturbate, I actually fantasize that I'm somebody else. In fact, if I do it in different rooms, I actually feel that I'm cheating on myself - which is sad.

I hope I'm able to relive my future.

I hired three people to watch my back but they were killed so now I have a team of gypsies watch my future and let the present worry alone.

My shrink told me that my happiness was stress related.

My beautiful rescue dog, Bella Luna Lewis, has decided to put me up for adoption.

Sadly, the worst audience I ever had were my parents.

My favorite holiday is Co-dependency Day.

Good morning... never experienced that myself.

I would believe in reincarnation but too many of me ex-girlfriends did and it isn't worth the risk.

I never care what people think of me, especially myself.

I guess I am a true narcissist. I convinced my dog to walk me.

The best way to have an affair without feeling guilty is to sleep with your therapist.

Emotionally, the hardest part about living for me is being me.