Quotes & Jokes by Richard Lewis / page 5

We can't agree on religion and guns and economics and sadly civil rights but if the wealthy won't chip in for the needy we are done.

The best way to have an affair without feeling guilty is to sleep with your therapist.

When I was a kid my family said having feelings was an act of treason.

I don't care what people think of me because I never cared what I thought about myself.

I never care what people think of me, especially myself.

Nothing is happening and that is a very cool sign.

Acceptance and forgiveness are crucial components to a happy life and hopefully I can find mine in storage.

Perception is reality; so being so twisted I have no idea who I ever was which was a really lucky break.

If you have a date tonight, play it safe and leave your heart at home.

I'm looking forward to yesterday.

I can't sleep because I keep dreaming that I'm me...

You can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar, but either way you've got flies.

I live in a predominantly anxious section of town.

My parents didn't want to get divorced until they passed away.

Love your kids unconditionally. My mother had an onlooker breastfeed me.