Quotes & Jokes by Richard Lewis / page 5

My parents didn't want to get divorced until they passed away.

We can't agree on religion and guns and economics and sadly civil rights but if the wealthy won't chip in for the needy we are done.

When I was a kid my family said having feelings was an act of treason.

The best way to have an affair without feeling guilty is to sleep with your therapist.

Acceptance and forgiveness are crucial components to a happy life and hopefully I can find mine in storage.

You can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar, but either way you've got flies.

I'm looking forward to yesterday.

Perception is reality; so being so twisted I have no idea who I ever was which was a really lucky break.

The longer that I live the less time I have to worry.

I can't sleep because I keep dreaming that I'm me...

If you have a date tonight, play it safe and leave your heart at home.

I was having a great day until I woke up.

I live in a predominantly anxious section of town.

I don't care what people think of me because I never cared what I thought about myself.

I got screwed when my parents passed away. They left me their unfinished business.