Quotes & Jokes by Richard Lewis / page 5

I hope I'm able to relive my future.

We can't agree on religion and guns and economics and sadly civil rights but if the wealthy won't chip in for the needy we are done.

When I was a kid my family said having feelings was an act of treason.

I don't care what people think of me because I never cared what I thought about myself.

I never care what people think of me, especially myself.

Nothing is happening and that is a very cool sign.

Acceptance and forgiveness are crucial components to a happy life and hopefully I can find mine in storage.

Love your kids unconditionally. My mother had an onlooker breastfeed me.

If you have a date tonight, play it safe and leave your heart at home.

You can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar, but either way you've got flies.

Perception is reality; so being so twisted I have no idea who I ever was which was a really lucky break.

I can't sleep because I keep dreaming that I'm me...

I'm looking forward to yesterday.

To be on the safe side I use a condom when I masturbate.

When you're in love it's the most glorious two and a half days of your life.