Quotes & Jokes by Richard Lewis / page 8

There's nothing to fear but life itself.

If I knew as a young man what I know now I still would have felt lost.

I don't blame my parents for my dysfunctions... I blame their parents.

It's stressful being a hypochondriach. In my home I have a walk-in medicine chest.

She said that after we had intercourse, I gave her an anti-climax.

Anyone who has faith in humanity is probably an uneducated extraterrestrial.

Lower your expectations and live your life like it isn't yours.

Contrary to public opinion, I'm not negative, just realistic.

Last night my wife and I had an amazing, simultaneous panic-attack.

It's more important to put pressure in your tires than on yourself.

The greatest impact on my life has been nothing.

I feel grandiose when I feel truly happy.

I'm great in bed when I'm alone.

I'm not that promiscuous; she was. I mean, I should have known. I mean, she put a triangle over the bed. Before we made love, which was sad, she went, 'Come and get it.'

You can lead a fanatic to water but you can't make him think.