Quotes & Jokes by Richard Lewis / page 9
If I knew as a young man what I know now I still would have felt lost.
She said that after we had intercourse, I gave her an anti-climax.
Even at home, on my stationary exercise bike, I have a rearview mirror.
Last night my wife and I had an amazing, simultaneous panic-attack.
Anyone who has faith in humanity is probably an uneducated extraterrestrial.
If there is reincarnation and I come back as myself, I'll kill myself.
My grandmother was a Jewish juggler: she used to worry about six things at once.
My mother was taught by a nasty ventriloquist who lived nearby my childhood home to throw guilt without moving her conscience.
I stopped having intimacy problems when my lovers did impressions of other women.
I fall in love so fast. I come back after the first date, I tell my friends, 'She's unbelievable!' And they say, 'What did she do?' 'I don't know. I think she's a mammal.'