276 quotes
My therapist thinks I'd be better off living in a dream-state.
An amateur ventriloquist, my dad could throw his chest pains.
Lower your expectations and live your life like it isn't yours.
You can lead a fanatic to water but you can't make him think.
My ego wears an Ace bandage.
Anyone who has faith in humanity is probably an uneducated extraterrestrial.
When in doubt you might be right.
I never thought that intolerance would be patriotic.
My shrink told me it was pointless to believe in myself.
There's no place like home that's why I never went back.
If there is reincarnation and I come back as myself, I'll kill myself.
I wear ear condoms. I don't even want to listen to what I might be contracting.
I've learned the hard way. Now I only strive for imperfection.
Even at home, on my stationary exercise bike, I have a rearview mirror.
Nothing is happening but I'll ruin it.
