Quotes & Jokes by Robin Williams / page 11
I love the guys who say "I watch NASCAR for the racing." Yeah, and I watch porn for the acting. You liar!
Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they've got nothing to lose.
I always wanted to play a big, black man, but that would cost too much make-up.
When I find out a hotel doesn't have a DSL, it's like "What? There's no toilet?" Once you get used to high speed you ain’t going back.
Beer commercials usually show big men, manly men, doing manly things: "You've just killed a small animal. It's time for a light beer." Why not have a realistic beer commercial, with a realistic thing about beer, where someone goes, "It's five o'clock in the morning. You've just pissed on a dumpster. It's Miller time."
What's true in our minds is true, whether some people know it or not.
Spielberg is so powerful he had final cut at his own circumsision.
The Second Amendment says we have the right to bear arms, not to bear artillery.
If that man in the PTL is such a healer, why can't he make his wife's hairdo go down?
After I quit drinking, I realized I am the same asshole I always was; I just have fewer dents in my car.