Quotes & Jokes by Robin Williams / page 11
A woman would never make a nuclear bomb. They would never make a weapon that kills, no, no. They’d make a weapon that makes you feel bad for a while.
I love the guys who say "I watch NASCAR for the racing." Yeah, and I watch porn for the acting. You liar!
What's true in our minds is true, whether some people know it or not.
There are so many beautiful parts of the world... Thailand, Italy, the south of France. There are places in Spain that are astonishing. But here... 25 miles and you go up on Mount Tam to see the fog come in; 25 miles the other direction and you're somewhere else that takes your breath away. There's no question this is where I want to live. Never has been.
Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they've got nothing to lose.
Beer commercials usually show big men, manly men, doing manly things: "You've just killed a small animal. It's time for a light beer." Why not have a realistic beer commercial, with a realistic thing about beer, where someone goes, "It's five o'clock in the morning. You've just pissed on a dumpster. It's Miller time."
They should have little disclaimer that says - "Do not operate heavy machinery while watching this show!"
The Second Amendment says we have the right to bear arms, not to bear artillery.
After I quit drinking, I realized I am the same asshole I always was; I just have fewer dents in my car.
If there was a pill that allowed you to drink and not get drunk, an alcoholic would go "What happens if you take two?"
We are so excited about adding additional incentives to the program. It gives them a fun reason to exercise and learn about geography as well.