Quotes & Jokes by Robin Williams / page 11
After I quit drinking, I realized I am the same asshole I always was; I just have fewer dents in my car.
There are so many beautiful parts of the world... Thailand, Italy, the south of France. There are places in Spain that are astonishing. But here... 25 miles and you go up on Mount Tam to see the fog come in; 25 miles the other direction and you're somewhere else that takes your breath away. There's no question this is where I want to live. Never has been.
It never fails - you get in the bath and there's a rub at the lamp.
Okra is the closest thing to nylon I`ve ever eaten. It`s like they bred cotton with a green bean. Okra, tastes like snot. The more you cook it, the more it turns into string.
I always wanted to play a big, black man, but that would cost too much make-up.
The only thing I'm really suited for is the musical version of Congo.
I love the guys who say "I watch NASCAR for the racing." Yeah, and I watch porn for the acting. You liar!
Beer commercials usually show big men, manly men, doing manly things: "You've just killed a small animal. It's time for a light beer." Why not have a realistic beer commercial, with a realistic thing about beer, where someone goes, "It's five o'clock in the morning. You've just pissed on a dumpster. It's Miller time."
When I find out a hotel doesn't have a DSL, it's like "What? There's no toilet?" Once you get used to high speed you ain’t going back.
The Second Amendment says we have the right to bear arms, not to bear artillery.
We are so excited about adding additional incentives to the program. It gives them a fun reason to exercise and learn about geography as well.