Quotes & Jokes by Robin Williams / page 11

When I find out a hotel doesn't have a DSL, it's like "What? There's no toilet?" Once you get used to high speed you ain’t going back.

If you can remember the sixties, you weren't there.

I always wanted to play a big, black man, but that would cost too much make-up.

The brightest light has gone out.

Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they've got nothing to lose.

Ah... so many pedestrians, so little time...

What's true in our minds is true, whether some people know it or not.

Beer commercials usually show big men, manly men, doing manly things: "You've just killed a small animal. It's time for a light beer." Why not have a realistic beer commercial, with a realistic thing about beer, where someone goes, "It's five o'clock in the morning. You've just pissed on a dumpster. It's Miller time."

I love the guys who say "I watch NASCAR for the racing." Yeah, and I watch porn for the acting. You liar!

Spielberg is so powerful he had final cut at his own circumsision.

If that man in the PTL is such a healer, why can't he make his wife's hairdo go down?

They should have little disclaimer that says - "Do not operate heavy machinery while watching this show!"

Reality: What a concept!

If there was a pill that allowed you to drink and not get drunk, an alcoholic would go "What happens if you take two?"

The Second Amendment says we have the right to bear arms, not to bear artillery.