Quotes & Jokes by Robin Williams / page 11

Nobody takes a picture of something they want to forget.

A woman would never make a nuclear bomb. They would never make a weapon that kills, no, no. They’d make a weapon that makes you feel bad for a while.

Okra is the closest thing to nylon I`ve ever eaten. It`s like they bred cotton with a green bean. Okra, tastes like snot. The more you cook it, the more it turns into string.

Everyone has these two visions when they hold their child for the first time. The first is your child as an adult saying "I want to thank the Nobel Committee for this award." The other is "You want fries with that?"

The Second Amendment says we have the right to bear arms, not to bear artillery.

After I quit drinking, I realized I am the same asshole I always was; I just have fewer dents in my car.

They should have little disclaimer that says - "Do not operate heavy machinery while watching this show!"

If there was a pill that allowed you to drink and not get drunk, an alcoholic would go "What happens if you take two?"

Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they've got nothing to lose.

Reality: What a concept!

Eat what? There's nothing here! Gandhi ate more than this!

The only weapon we have is comedy.

We don't read and write poetry because it's cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering - these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love - these are what we stay alive for.

We are so excited about adding additional incentives to the program. It gives them a fun reason to exercise and learn about geography as well.

My first day as a woman and I am already having hot flushes.