Quotes & Jokes by Robin Williams / page 12

My first day as a woman and I am already having hot flushes.

After I quit drinking, I realized I am the same asshole I always was; I just have fewer dents in my car.

We are so excited about adding additional incentives to the program. It gives them a fun reason to exercise and learn about geography as well.

I started doing comedy because that was the only stage that I could find. It was the pure idea of being on stage. That was the only thing that interested me, along with learning the craft and working, and just being in productions with people.

The only thing I'm really suited for is the musical version of Congo.

This is brought to you by HBO, which is a subsidiary of Time Warner, also owned by America Online. You've got mail! I hope you don't have stocks.

You're still young. Being a true loser takes years of inaptitude.

Eat what? There's nothing here! Gandhi ate more than this!

The only weapon we have is comedy.

And now that you have a child you have to clean up your act, 'cause you can't drink anymore. You can't come home drunk and go, "Hey, here`s a little switch: Daddy's gonna throw up on you!"

Our freedoms are under siege - for our own good, they tell us.

Look at us - we're a San Francisco wedding cake.

It's nice to be in Washington, where the buck stops here. Way to go. And then it's handed out to AIG and many other people.

A place where we all go can’t be bad.

Montovani? They play Montovani to insomniacs that don't respond to strong drugs.