Quotes & Jokes by Robin Williams / page 12
Beer commercials usually show big men, manly men, doing manly things: "You've just killed a small animal. It's time for a light beer." Why not have a realistic beer commercial, with a realistic thing about beer, where someone goes, "It's five o'clock in the morning. You've just pissed on a dumpster. It's Miller time."
The Second Amendment says we have the right to bear arms, not to bear artillery.
If that man in the PTL is such a healer, why can't he make his wife's hairdo go down?
What's true in our minds is true, whether some people know it or not.
You're still young. Being a true loser takes years of inaptitude.
I started doing comedy because that was the only stage that I could find. It was the pure idea of being on stage. That was the only thing that interested me, along with learning the craft and working, and just being in productions with people.
Spielberg is so powerful he had final cut at his own circumsision.
If there was a pill that allowed you to drink and not get drunk, an alcoholic would go "What happens if you take two?"
They should have little disclaimer that says - "Do not operate heavy machinery while watching this show!"
You can start any Monty Python routine and people finish it for you. Everyone knows it like shorthand.