Quotes & Jokes by Robin Williams / page 12

We are so excited about adding additional incentives to the program. It gives them a fun reason to exercise and learn about geography as well.

If there was a pill that allowed you to drink and not get drunk, an alcoholic would go "What happens if you take two?"

My first day as a woman and I am already having hot flushes.

The only thing I'm really suited for is the musical version of Congo.

This is brought to you by HBO, which is a subsidiary of Time Warner, also owned by America Online. You've got mail! I hope you don't have stocks.

You're still young. Being a true loser takes years of inaptitude.

Look at us - we're a San Francisco wedding cake.

Eat what? There's nothing here! Gandhi ate more than this!

I started doing comedy because that was the only stage that I could find. It was the pure idea of being on stage. That was the only thing that interested me, along with learning the craft and working, and just being in productions with people.

And now that you have a child you have to clean up your act, 'cause you can't drink anymore. You can't come home drunk and go, "Hey, here`s a little switch: Daddy's gonna throw up on you!"

Our freedoms are under siege - for our own good, they tell us.

Women! Can't live with 'em, can't live with 'em!

The only weapon we have is comedy.

My religious background is that my mother is a Christian Dior Scientist.

You can start any Monty Python routine and people finish it for you. Everyone knows it like shorthand.