Quotes & Jokes by Robin Williams / page 3

We have a president for whom English is a second language. He's like "We have to get rid of dictators", but he's pretty much one himself.

And if you want a linguistic adventure, go drinking with a Scotsman. Cause you can't fucking understand them before.

Do you think God gets stoned? I think so... look at the platypus.

In England, if you commit a crime, the police don't have a gun and you don't have a gun. If you commit a crime, the police will say "Stop, or I'll say stop again."

What's wrong with death sir? What are we so mortally afraid of? Why can't we treat death with a certain amount of humanity and dignity and decency and, God forbid, maybe even humor. Death is not the enemy, gentlemen. If we're going to fight a disease, let's fight one of the most terrible diseases of all, indifference.

The moments of comedy are there. But the whole idea of a vacation is the stripping away of stuff and then, by the end of the vacation, at least in my life, you do have these moments as a group, as a family having a great time, so mellow again. It takes a while to do that but that's what this movie is about.

You will have bad times, but they will always wake you up to the stuff you weren't paying attention to.

Spring is nature's way of saying, "Let's party!"

Golf is a game where white men can dress up as black pimps and get away with it.

We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.

I'm sorry, if you were right, I'd agree with you.

Sucking all the marrow out of life doesn't mean choking on the bone.

The Russians love Brooke Shields because her eyebrows remind them of Leonid Brezhnev.

I thought lacrosse was what you find in la church.

The human spirit is more powerful than any drug and that is what needs to be nourished with work, play, friendship, family. These are the things that matter.