Quotes & Jokes by Robin Williams / page 4

Spring is nature's way of saying, "Let's party!"

If you've ever thought of jumping off of a tall building, there was a guy who jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge. He survived, and he said this, he said "halfway down, I thought it was a bad idea."

I have one question for the ladies: Do we look like this?

When the Williams sisters play tennis, it gets pretty hot. When they start grunting, I'm in.

Texting and driving at the same time is like jerking off and juggling at the same time. Too many balls in the air, if you catch my drift.

I'm sorry, if you were right, I'd agree with you.

The human spirit is more powerful than any drug and that is what needs to be nourished with work, play, friendship, family. These are the things that matter.

I don't know why I made the raccoons Irish, but it works.

If you masturbated with your left hand, would it be like being touched by a retarded person?

The Chinese had accused the Tibetans of being terrorists, which is weird. A Tibetan terrorist is like an Amish hacker. It just doesn't fit.

You have to break in half to love somebody.

God, maybe instead of resting on the seventh day you should of thought about compassion.

The only people flying to Europe will be terrorists, so it will be, "Will you be sitting in armed or unarmed?"

I had my back waxed once by two women... and at one point they said, "Do you mind if we take a break?"

You don't need cocaine! There's another way to get real high, and really mess your mind up, it's called marathon running!