Quotes & Jokes by Robin Williams / page 7

The meek may inherit the earth, but they don't get in to Harvard.

I can see it now: Osama bin Laden goes up to the pearly gates where George Washington comes out, starts beating him and is then joined by 70 other members of the Continental Congress. Osama will say, "Hey, wait! Where are my 71 virgins?" And George will reply "It's 71 Virginians, you asshole!"

Cats only pretend to be domesticated if they think there's a bowl of milk in it for them.

I believe in destiny. There must be a reason that I am as I am. There must be.

I'm a very tolerant man, except when it comes to holding a grudge.

I'd like to start the show by showing you something I'm very proud of. You'll have to step back, though.

Without the reality, it's just slamming into things. If you start with that physical comedy, then things surely but slowly fall apart. But you build on that reality and then you can go pretty outrageous - up to the Keaton-like gags.

Terrible wars have been fought where millions have died for one idea - freedom. And it seems that something that means so much to so many people would be worth having.

If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.

You're going to the cemetery with your toothbrush. How Egyptian.

That's the formaldehyde. That's why Granny's so well-preserved.

Come on now! You kick out the gooks, the next thing you know, you have to kick out the chinks, the spicks, the spooks, the kikes and all that's going to be left is a couple of brain-dead rednecks.

If we were interested in making money, we wouldn't have become teachers.

Gentiles are people who eat mayonnaise for no reason.

We show-ed a lot of intensity on defense early. But we missed one of our point guards who is the spark for our defense.