Quotes & Jokes by Robin Williams / page 7

Whenever a big white man picks up a banjo, my cheeks tighten.

I'd like to start the show by showing you something I'm very proud of. You'll have to step back, though.

I can see it now: Osama bin Laden goes up to the pearly gates where George Washington comes out, starts beating him and is then joined by 70 other members of the Continental Congress. Osama will say, "Hey, wait! Where are my 71 virgins?" And George will reply "It's 71 Virginians, you asshole!"

Mickey Mouse to a three-year-old is a six-foot-tall RAT!

Self-reliance is the key to a vigorous life. A man must look inward to find his own answers.

My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.

The meek may inherit the earth, but they don't get in to Harvard.

If we were interested in making money, we wouldn't have become teachers.

Dreams don’t deal in time. Time doesn’t count.

I'm a very tolerant man, except when it comes to holding a grudge.

Come on now! You kick out the gooks, the next thing you know, you have to kick out the chinks, the spicks, the spooks, the kikes and all that's going to be left is a couple of brain-dead rednecks.

Cats only pretend to be domesticated if they think there's a bowl of milk in it for them.

We wanted a name that was fun and different and something people would remember. Foundation board member Betty McCain suggested Winter Solstice, and we went with that.

We show-ed a lot of intensity on defense early. But we missed one of our point guards who is the spark for our defense.

You're going to the cemetery with your toothbrush. How Egyptian.