Quotes & Jokes by Robin Williams / page 7

I'd like to start the show by showing you something I'm very proud of. You'll have to step back, though.

Self-reliance is the key to a vigorous life. A man must look inward to find his own answers.

Mickey Mouse to a three-year-old is a six-foot-tall RAT!

The meek may inherit the earth, but they don't get in to Harvard.

I can see it now: Osama bin Laden goes up to the pearly gates where George Washington comes out, starts beating him and is then joined by 70 other members of the Continental Congress. Osama will say, "Hey, wait! Where are my 71 virgins?" And George will reply "It's 71 Virginians, you asshole!"

Cats only pretend to be domesticated if they think there's a bowl of milk in it for them.

Without the reality, it's just slamming into things. If you start with that physical comedy, then things surely but slowly fall apart. But you build on that reality and then you can go pretty outrageous - up to the Keaton-like gags.

If we were interested in making money, we wouldn't have become teachers.

I believe in destiny. There must be a reason that I am as I am. There must be.

That's the formaldehyde. That's why Granny's so well-preserved.

I'm a very tolerant man, except when it comes to holding a grudge.

We show-ed a lot of intensity on defense early. But we missed one of our point guards who is the spark for our defense.

You're going to the cemetery with your toothbrush. How Egyptian.

If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.

My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.