Quotes & Jokes by Robin Williams / page 9

I'm looking for Miss Right, or at least, Miss Right Now.

Comedy is acting out optimism.

There are no rules. Just follow your heart.

I've actually gone to the zoo and had monkeys shout to me from their cages, "I'm in here when you're walking around like that?"

When my friends and I played cowboys and Indians, I was always the Chinese railroad worker.

Sometimes you've got to specifically go out of your way to get into trouble. It's called fun.

His golf bag does not contain a full set of irons.

Taking Viagra after open heart surgery is like a Civil War re-enactment with live ammo. Not good.

When in doubt, go for the dick joke.

I like my wine like my women - ready to pass out.

Three wishes - no substitutes, exchanges or refunds.

If it's the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number?

It's a wonderful feeling when your father becomes not a god but a man to you - when he comes down from the mountain and you see he's this man with weaknesses. And you love him as this whole being, not as a figurehead.

Nobody takes a picture of something they want to forget.

Just now when I said, "I have a crush on you," you didn't say, "no way loser". I'd rather have a lobotomy by a leper. That means something.