Quotes & Jokes by Robin Williams / page 9

Inside of you, there's a fashion model just waiting to throw up.

Taking Viagra after open heart surgery is like a Civil War re-enactment with live ammo. Not good.

Sometimes you've got to specifically go out of your way to get into trouble. It's called fun.

When my friends and I played cowboys and Indians, I was always the Chinese railroad worker.

His golf bag does not contain a full set of irons.

See what I mean? You gotta be crazy. Ain't no time to be sane.

I like my wine like my women - ready to pass out.

I've actually gone to the zoo and had monkeys shout to me from their cages, "I'm in here when you're walking around like that?"

When in doubt, go for the dick joke.

There are no rules. Just follow your heart.

It's a wonderful feeling when your father becomes not a god but a man to you - when he comes down from the mountain and you see he's this man with weaknesses. And you love him as this whole being, not as a figurehead.

And the French! The French have a bomb too! Maybe they have the Michelin Bomb- ah! Only destroys restaurants under four stars! They are the one of the only people that still test their bombs! Where do they do it? In the Sahara, in the total wasteland? No, fuck off! In Tahiti! In paradise. Why? Because we're French. Oh, look, a Greenpeace boat coming to protest- fuck off, I sink you.

If it's the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number?

It never fails - you get in the bath and there's a rub at the lamp.

Three wishes - no substitutes, exchanges or refunds.