Quotes & Jokes by Robin Williams / page 9

His golf bag does not contain a full set of irons.

Comedy is acting out optimism.

When my friends and I played cowboys and Indians, I was always the Chinese railroad worker.

See what I mean? You gotta be crazy. Ain't no time to be sane.

Inside of you, there's a fashion model just waiting to throw up.

I like my wine like my women - ready to pass out.

Sometimes you've got to specifically go out of your way to get into trouble. It's called fun.

And the French! The French have a bomb too! Maybe they have the Michelin Bomb- ah! Only destroys restaurants under four stars! They are the one of the only people that still test their bombs! Where do they do it? In the Sahara, in the total wasteland? No, fuck off! In Tahiti! In paradise. Why? Because we're French. Oh, look, a Greenpeace boat coming to protest- fuck off, I sink you.

When in doubt, go for the dick joke.

It's a wonderful feeling when your father becomes not a god but a man to you - when he comes down from the mountain and you see he's this man with weaknesses. And you love him as this whole being, not as a figurehead.

I've actually gone to the zoo and had monkeys shout to me from their cages, "I'm in here when you're walking around like that?"

If it's the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number?

It never fails - you get in the bath and there's a rub at the lamp.

There are no rules. Just follow your heart.

Three wishes - no substitutes, exchanges or refunds.