Quotes & Jokes by Robin Williams / page 9

I'm looking for Miss Right, or at least, Miss Right Now.

When the media ask George Bush a question, he answers, "Can I use a lifeline?"

When my friends and I played cowboys and Indians, I was always the Chinese railroad worker.

I've actually gone to the zoo and had monkeys shout to me from their cages, "I'm in here when you're walking around like that?"

There are no rules. Just follow your heart.

Sometimes you've got to specifically go out of your way to get into trouble. It's called fun.

His golf bag does not contain a full set of irons.

Three wishes - no substitutes, exchanges or refunds.

Taking Viagra after open heart surgery is like a Civil War re-enactment with live ammo. Not good.

I like my wine like my women - ready to pass out.

When in doubt, go for the dick joke.

It's a wonderful feeling when your father becomes not a god but a man to you - when he comes down from the mountain and you see he's this man with weaknesses. And you love him as this whole being, not as a figurehead.

Just now when I said, "I have a crush on you," you didn't say, "no way loser". I'd rather have a lobotomy by a leper. That means something.

Nobody takes a picture of something they want to forget.

And I love to ride my bike, which is great aerobics, but also just a great time for me to think, so it's like this terrific double bill.