Quotes & Jokes by Rodney Dangerfield / page 11
What a dog I got. Last night he went on the paper 4 times - 3 while I was reading it.
Last Christmas I got no respect. In my stocking, I got an odor-eater.
My son's an idiot. His teacher asked him to spell Mississippi. He asked which one? The river or the state?
I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is "don't tell the butcher"!
I used to date a girl from Buffalo. Why can't I meet a girl with normal parents?
I tell ya, my wife's a lousy cook. After dinner, I don't brush my teeth. I count them.
What good is being the best if it brings out the worst in you?
Once, somebody stole our car. I asked my wife if she saw who it was. She said, "No, but I did get the license number".
One night I asked a cabbie to take me where the action is, he took me to my house.
I tell ya, my wife was never nice. On our first date, I asked her if I could give her a goodnight kiss on the cheek - she bent over!
My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.
Most of the arguments to which I am party fall somewhat short of being impressive, knowing to the fact that neither I nor my opponent knows what we are talking about.