Quotes & Jokes by Rodney Dangerfield / page 11
One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her "you cooked it, you take it out".
I tell ya when I fly, I don't get no respect. I took one of those cheap flights, no frills. I finished eatin' and had to do the dishes.
What a dog I got. Last night he went on the paper 4 times - 3 while I was reading it.
I used to date a girl from Buffalo. Why can't I meet a girl with normal parents?
I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is "don't tell the butcher"!
Boy, is my wife stupid! It takes her an hour and a half to watch 60 minutes. My daughter's no bargain either. In public school she was voted most likely to conceive.
I tell ya, my wife was never nice. On our first date, I asked her if I could give her a goodnight kiss on the cheek - she bent over!
My son's an idiot. His teacher asked him to spell Mississippi. He asked which one? The river or the state?
It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.
When I was a kid I got no respect. I played hide-and-seek. They wouldn't even look for me.
What good is being the best if it brings out the worst in you?
Once, somebody stole our car. I asked my wife if she saw who it was. She said, "No, but I did get the license number".
I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why, every time I shut the window I hurt somebody's fingers.